Before Watchmen: Over-inflating insignificant details

Sex played an interesting role in Alan Moore's Watchmen. It seemed to me that one of his arguments was that the role of a superhero would be most appealing for sexual deviants — homosexuals or people with some sort of fetish. Nite Owl fell into the latter category, being able to only be truly aroused when he was wearing his mask. Since that was a pretty big part of his character, it only makes sense that J. Michael Straczynski and Andy Kubert would explore this more. Unfortunately, I feel like putting contextless soft porn on a cover attracts the wrong kind of audience. I'm reminded of director Zack Snyder, who openly and frequently gushed about how much he loved Watchmen because it had sex in it. But when he actually made a movie about it, he demonstrated a significant lack of understanding the source material.

Unfortunately, I'm not much of a fan of Chris Samnee's variant cover, either. He is one of my favorite artists out there, but this was not his best work. Besides not doing a good job of conveying what this story is about, the characters just look off. I think Samnee's style lends itself more toward Darwyn Cooke's bright and bold Minutemen series. This Nite Owl series all about trauma and sex is not the ideal avenue for Samnee.

This issue opens with Nite Owl deepening his relationship with the Twilight Lady, while Rorschach (as church custodian Walter Kovacs) grows closer to Reverend Dean. The Twilight Lady leads Nite Owl to a man named Carlos, who recruits immigrant women into a life of prostitution. More troubling is how many of these women suddenly go missing, presumed dead. Nite Owl takes down Carlos' men and interrogates him by hanging him upside down above a toilet. The only information he's able to get from Carlos are a few phone numbers, but before he can investigate them, he needs to have sex with the Twilight Lady. Not only do we get an inordinate amount of time discussing Dan's past trauma of his abusive father, but we also find out that this was Dan's first time having sex! 

When Dan finally gets back to the investigation, he finds one of Carlos' phone numbers connects to a pay phone. So he takes the receiver back to Hollis Mason's garage to try to extract some fingerprints from it. Despite the early time of day, Hollis is already heavily drinking. He sadly calls himself a hypocrite and apologizes for lecturing Dan about the Nite Owl's reputation. Hollis doesn't go into any details, but he leaves Dan with a copy of his manuscript and says he can read it if he wants. Dan is nervous to explore his hero's dark secrets, but his curiosity gets the better of him and he sadly begins to learn the truths of Under the Hood.

The story ends with Rorschach making a shocking discovery: Reverend Dean's basement is full of dozens of dead bodies. At least one woman is still alive when Rorschach stumbled upon this grisly scene. But before he can rescue her, he's shot in the shoulder by the Reverend.

In the original Watchmen, the Twilight Lady was nothing more than a sexual fantasy for Dan. Presumably someone only pretending to be a super villain so she could sleep with the famous Nite Owl. Nothing more. Straczynski decided to flesh out this little throwaway detail to comical extremes. Not only is the Twilight Lady now a noble hero playfully defying the conventions of her appearance and profession, but she was Dan's first true love! I guess we can also assume that she was the one who resolved Dan's childhood trauma, which is why he never mentioned it in Moore's story!

It annoys me so much to see sequels and prequels turn minor details into major events. It reeks of a lack of originality. Of course, there is some original work in this issue. And it's actually rather interesting. The only problem is it's all about Rorschach. Yes, I'm sure next issue will reveal that Reverend Dean has been killing Carlos' girls, which is a nice way to connect the two stories. But this just adds more fuel to my theory that Straczynski really, really wanted to write a Rorschach story instead.

Redrafting the Jazz: 1986

I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 17, 1986 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1985-86 season was a year of transition for the Jazz. Karl Malone made an immediate impact and finished third in Rookie of the Year voting. Of course, his emergence meant that All-Star Adrian Dantley was quickly becoming redundant. The Jazz ended up trading Dantley in the offseason, partly due to the redundancy factor but mostly due to his frequent spats with head coach Frank Layden and team owner Larry Miller. There also was a bit of concern that Dantley was a bad influence on Malone, as he had instructed the youngster to save his body by not diving for loose balls (and also because it was making Dantley look bad).

Utah's best shooting guard, Darrell Griffith, missed the entire season with a stress fracture in his foot, leaving the Jazz with a mediocre back court of Bob Hansen and Rickey Green. Layden stubbornly insisted on keeping Stockton on the bench, even though he led the team in assists and steals. All this added up to a ho-hum 42-40 record. Dantley didn't play in the playoffs, and the Jazz lost to Dallas in four games in the first round.

The draft:

The Jazz used the 15th pick on Dell Curry, a swingman from Virginia Tech.

Utah didn't have a second-round pick because of a 1984 trade where they sent two second-round picks to San Antonio for Fred Roberts. (The Jazz quickly got sick of Roberts and traded him in 1986 to Boston for a third-round pick.)

In the third round, the Jazz drafted two centers — Minnesota's John Shasky at No. 61 and Rocky Mountain's Bill Breeding at No. 63.

In the fourth round, Utah picked DePaul forward Marty Embry at No. 84.

In the fifth round, the Jazz drafted Cal State Fullerton forward Kerry Boagni at No. 107.

In the sixth round, Utah took Villanova center Chuck Everson at No. 130.

And finally, with the 153rd pick in the seventh round, the Jazz drafted Hartford forward Mark Mitchell.

Analysis:

Dell Curry may not have had nearly as good a career as his son Steph, but he still put together a rather respectable run. He was the 1994 Sixth Man of the Year and led the league in 3-point percentage in 1999. And back in 1986, he was considered a bit of a steal for the Jazz on draft night. And it made a lot of sense to add a sharpshooter to a team that really only had one decent 3-point shooter — the injured Darrell Griffith. Unfortunately, Curry only played sparingly during his rookie year and the Jazz traded him away in 1987. Apparently the Jazz were displeased with Curry's work ethic and the final straw was watching him get outplayed by a bunch of nobodies in the summer league. Curry later talked fondly about his lone season in Utah, saying it helped teach him how to be more professional, so it seems like this trade was a wake-up call for him. It didn't help the Jazz too much, though. They sent Curry and Kent Benson to Cleveland for Darryl Dawkins and Melvin Turpin. Dawkins (well past his prime) was quickly shipped off to Detroit for a couple of second-round picks and Turpin soon lived up to his unflattering nickname of "Dinner Bell Mel" and was released by the Jazz after one season. All this to say that we can find a better pick for the Jazz!

The logical choice is Jeff Hornacek. He was the perfect fit for the Jazz, culturally and from a skill-set perspective. He would have done everything Utah wanted Curry to do, with the added bonus of perfectly complimenting Malone and Stockton. As a kid, watching Hornacek hobble around on his cartilage-depleted knees made me wish the Jazz could have had a young, fresh Hornack. This is a lifelong dream for me — a complete no-brainer! So why do I hesitate? Well, to quote a joke my dad liked to make, "He's not My-vydas. He's not Your-vydas. He's Arvydas!"

Arvydas Sabonis is one of the greatest what-ifs in NBA history. In the 80s, he was one of the best players on the planet, but was forbidden from leaving the Soviet Union until 1989. But by then, Sabonis had suffered a series of injuries and was worried about how well he'd perform in the NBA. So he signed with a team in Spain instead of the Portland Trail Blazers (who owned his draft rights). Sabonis spent the next six years dominating in Spain and the Blazers kind of just forgot about him. Until they got a new general manager who finally convinced Sabonis to join the NBA in 1995. Sabonis only played seven years in the league, but his passing and 3-point shooting helped make him a productive player, despite his limited mobility. 

Call me crazy, but I really, really want the Jazz to take Sabonis. In a worst-case scenario, he doesn't join the team until 1995, when Utah's biggest weakness is at center and Sabonis could probably help propel those otherwise great Jazz teams to the top. But I also think there's a decent chance the Jazz could persuade Sabonis to join the NBA earlier, perhaps as soon as 1992 — after his first Spanish contract expired. This possibility is too tantalizing for me to resist. And I can take some comfort in knowing the Jazz would still eventually get Hornacek (especially if this witch's curse compels the Utah front office to believe every word I say).

As for the rest of Utah's six draft picks? None of them made the Jazz roster. And only one of them, John Shasky, played in any NBA games. These guys are all completely inconsequential, and I unfortunately don't have any incredible replacements for them. (Shasky was taken one spot after Drazen Petrovic, who was also drafted by Portland.) So I'm not going to waste too much time on my recommendations with those picks.

My advice:

1. Use the 15th pick on Arvydas Sabonis.

2. Use the 61st pick on Dave Hoppen.

3. Use the 63rd pick on Anthony Bowie.

4. Use the 84th pick on Pete Myers.

5. Use the 107th pick on Tim Kempton.

6. Use the 133rd pick on Anthony Frederick.

7. Use the 153rd pick on Kelvin Upshaw.

I still can't believe that I'm turning my back on Jeff Hornacek. I just don't know if he would have made enough of a difference in those early days to justify passing on the potential of Sabonis. Those early Stockton-Malone teams had to rely too much on Thurl Bailey and Mark Eaton, and I can't really see Hornacek being able to compensate entirely for that. But if you manage to get Sabonis a little earlier and a little more mobile, and then still get Hornacek through some trade, then you might have a really special team.

Before Watchmen: Riot time!

Three issues into this Comedian series, and I'm still trying to figure out what Brian Azzarello and J.G. Jones are trying to say. Jones delivers a competent cover once again, but a rather dull one — an unfortunate followup to his rather innovative artwork for issue #2. I feel like it's a bit of a cheat to use a newspaper to tell the readers what's happening at the moment. At first I was a little sad to see the Comedian's left Vietnam for Los Angeles, but then I remembered how lackluster Azzarello's generic Vietnam story was. So I'm not exactly sure how I feel. It certainly isn't excitement.

I was, however, excited by the variant cover. It was drawn by one of my favorite artists of all time, John Paul Leon, who tragically passed away in 2021 at the age of 49 after a lengthy battle with cancer. Leon's brutally realistic style is perfect for the Watchmen universe, especially the Comedian. It was a real missed opportunity for DC that they didn't involve Leon more on this project. One detail I absolutely love on this cover — but can't fully explain why — is the solid yellow dot representing the Comedian's smiley face button. It's the only bit on the cover that isn't a shade of red and it looks so much more haunting with the smiley face removed.

This issue tells the story of Eddie Blake returning to America after spending more than a year in Vietnam. He's genuinely surprised to see a crowd of protesters at the airport. One of the protesters looks remarkably like Eddie's daughter, Laurie, and he makes an honest effort to explain his actions to her. But he's interrupted when someone throws a tomato at the girl, hitting her in the back of the head. A group of pro-war protesters has shown up to beat back the anti-war protesters and make room for the Comedian, whom they decree a "super patriot." Seeing the mistreatment of that innocent girl filled Eddie with more rage than he'd felt in his life up to that point. But instead of giving in to his violent instincts, Eddie walked away and took some time to reflect.

Eddie realized he had let the Army lead him from being who he really was. When he heard about rioting in Los Angeles, he felt like the city was crying out for his nihilistic messaging. The Comedian showed up at the riots, wearing his usual costume, but now with his face painted like his bright yellow smiley face. He boldly walks past the police and converses with a few of the Black activists leading the protests. Eddie tells them they should be laughing, since it is a riot, after all. And to demonstrate that the world will see what it wants to see, he opens fire on several stores. The activist leaders cry out in vain to prevent the ensuing looting, but too many of their fellow rioters couldn't resist the temptation of free electronics and jewelry.

When the police chief scolds the Comedian for making the situation worse, Eddie responds by throwing dog poop in his face. Later, Eddie's old friend, Robert Kennedy, tells him he needs to apologize to the chief. Eddie refuses, pointing out how nobody seems concerned with the 34 people who were killed in the riot. They were more concerned with the symbol of authority being disrespected.

I'm glad that Azzarello didn't rehash the police strike riots from the main Watchmen series. I'm sure the temptation was high, but this generic riot served the story better. It doesn't matter how the riot started or what its goals were. Its purpose was to provide the Comedian a vehicle to demonstrate how human nature can undermine any cause. I'm sure many of the rioters initially joined the fray for righteous, noble reasons. But the second Eddie opened up the stores to them, the need for instant gratification overrode any lofty ideals such as racial equality, which wasn't ever going to be solved through the riot anyway. 

It was also rather interesting seeing Eddie become disgusted by the very people who praised him as a hero. Those pro-war protesters weren't necessarily advocating for more violence in Vietnam, they were more concerned with upholding the symbol of authority. The Comedian represents the government of the United States of America, and in these people's eyes, this automatically means all his actions are just and righteous. It's interesting to think if Eddie would have been inclined to agree with them, had he not seen a vision of his daughter in the anti-war crowd. I think he would have eventually arrived at the same conclusion — he never was one to deify authority, but merely exploit it to pursue his own violent passions. But it was nice to have the contrast between the two groups help set up the finale of this issue.

While working for the people in power, Eddie is free to destroy as many businesses as he pleases and anybody he kills gets chalked up to "self defense." But throwing a piece of poop at the chief of police is crossing a line. It's all a joke, as Eddie tells Robert Kennedy. But that won't stop him from enjoying his Hawaiian vacation.

I started this by saying I didn't know what Azzarello was trying to say with this series. I now think I do.

Redrafting the Jazz: 1987

I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 22, 1987 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1986-87 Jazz were a young and upcoming team. Karl Malone wasn't quite an All-Star yet, but he did receive votes for both MVP and Most Improved Player. Mark Eaton led the league in blocks and finished third in voting for Defensive Player of the Year. But most frustratingly, head coach Frank Layden insisted on starting Rickey Green over John Stockton, even though Stockton put up superior numbers in limited minutes. Layden eventually learned the error of his ways during the first round of the playoffs, but he made the switch too late, and Utah fell to Golden State in five games.

The draft:

In the first round, Utah used the 15th pick on Oregon State power forward José Ortiz.

The Jazz didn't have a second-round pick this year, as it was included in the 1986 trade that send Adrian Dantley to Detroit for Kelly Tripucka. But the Jazz did have plenty of other picks in this seven-round draft.

In the third round, Utah used the 61st pick on Western Kentucky center Clarence Martin.

A 1986 trade that sent Fred Roberts to Boston gave the Jazz the 68th pick, which they used on Providence point guard Billy Donovan.

In the fourth round, Utah used the 84th pick on Alabama State center Reuben Holmes.

In the fifth round, the Jazz used the 107th pick on Nebraska-Kearney shooting guard Bart Kofoed.

In the sixth round, Utah used the the 130th pick on Bloomfield guard Art Sabb.

And finally, in the seventh round, the Jazz selected a guard from Harvard named Keith Webster with the 153rd pick. Whew!

Analysis:

José Ortiz was, and perhaps still is, considered the greatest basketball player to come from Puerto Rico. Even though he played at Oregon State, there was genuine concern that he had no interest in playing in the NBA, as that would prevent him from representing Puerto Rico in the playoffs. But apparently assured Jazz officials he would play in the NBA, and I'm sure Utah considered him quite the steal at No. 15. But the 1987 offseason was an odd one, where a league-wide moratorium prevented teams from hosting summer games or even contacting their draft picks for months. During this time, Oriz shocked the Jazz by signing a four-year deal with a team in Spain. So the Jazz played the 1987-88 season without their first-round pick.

In 1988, the Jazz got a strange idea stuck in their head that the best way forward was to create a three forward lineup of Karl Malone, Thurl Bailey and free agent Tom Chambers. But Phoenix offered Chambers a massive deal he couldn't refuse. Desperate to bring this three forward dream to life, Utah general manager Dave Checketts flew out to Spain once and Puerto Rico twice to personally negotiate with Ortiz. At first, Ortiz demanded to be traded to Miami, but the Jazz couldn't work out a deal. Ortiz eventually agreed to come to Utah, but getting out of his contract in Spain proved tricky. Utah's solution was an unconventional "trade." They released overweight Mel Turpin so he could take Ortiz's spot on his team in Spain.

Was Ortiz worth all that hassle? Absolutely not. The three forward lineup crashed and burned, as Ortiz was nowhere near the level of Malone and Bailey. He only managed 6 minutes per game in 64 games over two seasons before he demanded the Jazz waive him so he could return to Spain. And Ortiz went down in Jazz history as perhaps their worst draft pick of the decade.

Utah's other six picks of this draft didn't fare much better. Only two of them saw any NBA action. Billy Donovan played 44 games for the Knicks before becoming a legendary college coach, winning back-to-back NCAA championships with Florida. He's currently the head coach of the Chicago Bulls.

Fifth-round draft pick Bart Kofoed was the only pick this year that played for the Jazz in the 1987-88 season. And he miraculously managed to make Utah's roster despite breaking his foot. He played so well in the 1988 playoffs, the Jazz gave him a two-year contract. But then he got into a fight with Bobby Hansen at a New Year's Eve party and he ended up breaking Hansen's cheekbone. The Jazz promptly waived him, and he spent the next few years bouncing back and forth between the NBA and CBA.

So, we obviously have a lot of room for improvement. And we have seven draft picks to work with, which certainly makes things exciting! So let's run through this in rapid fire.

With their first-round pick, the Jazz should have taken Reggie Lewis. They didn't need a third forward to pair with Malone and Bailey — they needed a swingman who could do what Kelly Tripucka was supposed to do, but was unwilling/unable to. Lewis was an All-Star in Boston before shockingly dying at the age of 27. There seems to be a strong possibility his death was caused by cocaine use, so I'm going to take a chance on him. I know this sounds silly, but maybe — just maybe — he'll have a hard time finding cocaine in Salt Lake than Boston. And if not, then I'll still be happy with the handful of quality seasons he'd give the Jazz.

In the third round, I'd use the 61st pick on Kevin Gamble. He's also a swingman, but he actually had the best years of his career while playing alongside Lewis in Boston. So I'd like to see if the Jazz could capture some of that magic.

With the 68th pick, I'll take Chris Dudley, an unglamorous big man from Yale, who managed to have a 16-year NBA career due to his strong rebounding and shot-blocking.

In the fourth round, I wish I could recommend Sarunas Marciulionis. The Lithuanian Hall of Famer did have a decent NBA career, but he was technically ineligible to be drafted in 1987 because he was too old, according to the league's rules regarding European players at the time. So I'll instead take Scott Brooks, an undrafted point guard, who somehow ended up having a 10-year NBA career. Perhaps he could do better than Kofoed.

As for the last three remaining picks? I don't really care. There's no one else worth taking. Ironically, Kofoed was the best player from the fifth round, so I guess you might as well take him to compete with Brooks.

My advice:

1. Use the 15th pick on Reggie Lewis.

2. Use the 61st pick on Kevin Gamble.

3. Use the 68th pick on Chris Dudley.

4. Use the 84th pick on Scott Brooks.

5. Use the 107th pick on Bart Kofoed.

6. Use the 130th pick on Art Sabb.

7. Use the 153rd pick on Keith Webster.

Ironically, I'm actually most excited about adding Chris Dudley to the Jazz. I think his personality would have been a perfect fit in Utah, and he would have been an ideal backup to Mark Eaton. Maybe even his replacement later down the line. Reggie Lewis certainly is an intriguing pick, but Dudley promises the reliable dependability that every team needs from a role player.

Before Watchmen: Time for the drugs!

Wow. I haven't written on this blog since August! And I haven't done an issue of Silk Spectre since March! I guess this what happens when you grow up and lose all your free time. And when you're not really into the story you're trying to review. I'm sorry, I'm just not that into psychedelic drug trips. They bore me. Just like this cover by Amanda Conner and Paul Mounts. Oooo ... it's so strange and trippy! I get it! I just ... don't care.

The variant cover by Michael and Laura Allred is also something that doesn't really excite me. Yeah, it captures the feel of the hippie crowd Laurie has been hanging with. But including the entire Watchmen roster doesn't fit with this story. Almost none of these characters are here, so I consider covers like this to be misleading. As fun as it might be to have a story examining Laurie falling in love with Dr. Manhattan, this isn't that story.

This story is about how Laurie decided to truly become a superhero. We open with six pages of Laurie's drug-induced hallucination. The most interesting part is where Laurie admits that she had always hoped the Hooded Justice was secretly her father, but she realizes that any member of the Minutemen could be her dad. Laurie also notes how odd it is that she treats Hollis Mason as a father figure, even though she only sees him every few years (it's almost as if Darwyn Cooke could anticipate my complaint).

Hollis, meanwhile, got quite an earful from Sally, who demanded that he fly out to San Francisco at once to rescue her daughter. Hollis believes that such an intervention would only push Laurie further away, but Sally rejects this argument, and says she'll contact someone who will find Laurie. Realizing that Sally was referring to Eddie Blake, Hollis immediately schedules a flight to California.

Laurie was in too much of a daze at the party to warn her friends about Gurustein. She wakes up the next morning to find her boyfriend, Greg, has overdosed. As he recovers in the hospital, Laurie reveals to him that she's the Silk Spectre and she has to return to that life of vigilantism because she can't sit by when people are being hurt. The doctors then send Laurie away, promising her that he'll make a full recovery.

So Laurie decides to immediately pay a visit to Gurustein and the unnamed businessman simply referred to as the Chairman. But while she's off procuring her trademark thigh-high boots (by breaking into a closed shoe store, and paying the owner in loose change), the Comedian kidnaps Greg and takes him down to a morgue, where he threaten to kill the boy unless he agrees to immediately join the military and ship off to Vietnam. When Greg relents, the Comedian adds one more condition: He must copy down a letter in his own hand and sign it.

Now in full costume, the Silk Spectre easily fights her way into Gurustein's orgy, punches him out and sternly warns the Chairman to stop giving his drugs to her friends. And then she just ... walks away, goes home and goes to sleep. Eddie sneaks into his daughter's room, deposits Greg's letter, and takes one of Lauries smiley face buttons.

No, I never needed any added significance to the Comedian's iconic button. But I'm not too bothered by this, either. It's the same feeling I have for this story as a whole ... just a lot of indifference. Gorgeously illustrated. Slightly innovative with some of the drug pages. Fairly funny at parts. But not terribly interesting. In hindsight, I do kind of like how Cooke and Conner demonstrated the complete futility of a teenaged girl vigilante. Yeah, she can beat up a couple of people, but so what? Is that going to stop anyone or change anything? Doubtful. Her actions are just as pointless and impotent as Sally's and Hollis'. The only person who can accomplish anything in this story is Eddie, who has a gun, deep government connections and a lack of remorse for taking rather unsavory actions.

So in the end, I don't hate this issue (or the Silk Spectre series as a whole). I just can't get too excited about a story about futile, meaningless actions. Same for the backup, The Curse of the Crimson Corsair. Now that is an exercise in futility.

Redrafting the Jazz: 1988

I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 28, 1988 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The Stockton-Malone era officially began in the 1987-88 season. After spending three seasons on the bench, John Stockton was finally named the starter and immediately led the league in assists, earning a spot on the All-NBA Second Team and finishing second in voting for Most Improved Player (losing to Portland's Kevin Duckworth). Coincidentally, a couple of other Jazz players also took second-place in the end-of-season awards. Thurl Bailey fell to Dallas big man Roy Tarpley in Sixth Man of the Year and Mark Eaton was runner-up to Michael Jordan's Defensive Player of the Year. And of course, there was Karl Malone, who not only joined John Stockton on the All-NBA Second Team and Mark Eaton on the All-Defensive Second Team, but he also made his first All-Star team (curiously, Stockton wasn't named an All-Star until the 1988-89 season).

Anyway, it seems the Jazz were cursed by the number 2 this year, as they were eliminated in the second round of the playoffs. This was an especially heart-breaking loss, as they had pushed the eventual champion Lakers to seven games. Beyond the big four of Stockton, Malone, Bailey and Eaton, this roster needed quite a bit of work. The Kelly Tripucka experiment had failed miserably. Darrell Griffith's decline was on full display. And Eaton's backup, Melvin Turpin, was living up to his unfortunate nickname of Dinner Bell Mel.

The draft:

In the first round, the Jazz used their No. 17 pick on a center from Wyoming named Eric Leckner.

In the second round, Utah grabbed Iowa shooting guard Jeff Moe at the 42nd pick.

And in the third round (this my first time with three rounds!), the Jazz used the 67th pick on Oklahoma point guard Ricky Grace.

Analysis:

Leckner was an understandable pick at the time, and he certainly wasn't a terrible player. He spent eight years in the NBA, but never made much of an impact anywhere. After playing two years for the Jazz, Leckner was packaged in the three-way trade that brought Jeff Malone to Utah. Obviously we can do better. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to steer clear of some of the most tantalizing available prospects here. Vernon Maxwell and Anthony Mason had stellar careers, but I don't think they would have fit in well with Utah's culture. Rod Strickland was one of the best point guards of the '90s, but what's the point in drafting an over-qualified backup for a young Stockton? So I'm going to have to play it safe and make a boring, non-sexy pick: Andrew Lang. Eaton DID need a reliable backup, and Lang is the best available shot-blocker. His 12-year career wasn't particularly eye-popping, but I think it would have been great for Frank Layden (and/or Jerry Sloan) to be able to sub out one shot-blocker for another.

Jeff Moe never made Utah's roster — or any NBA roster, for that matter. He went to the CBA, but got cut after just 14 games. So he became a real estate agent. Fortunately, I have just the man who can be everything the Jazz thought Moe could give them and more: Steve Kerr. Although he was a perpetual backup, Kerr was one of the most accurate shooters in the game during his 15-year career. And he was an important piece of Chicago's and San Antonio's championship teams. As an added bonus, Kerr will go down in history as one of the greatest head coaches in basketball. And perhaps, even more important than his shooting, is his attitude and temperament. I believe he would have fit in perfectly with Utah.

Ricky Grace also never made the Jazz roster. But he actually enjoyed a lengthy and productive career in Australia — winning four championships and two MVP awards. He eventually did make it to the NBA, but only for a three-game stint with the Hawks. Luckily, I once again have the perfect upgrade: John Starks. This undrafted athletic guard became a fixture for the Knicks in the '90s, earning a spot in one All-Star Game, the All-Defensive Second Team once and the Sixth Man of the Year. Starks actually did play his final two seasons for the Jazz, but he was merely a shadow of his former self by that point.

My advice:

1. Use the 17th pick on Andrew Lang.

2. Use the 42nd pick on Steve Kerr.

3. Use the 67th pick on John Starks.

This was a crucial year for the Jazz, as they were setting the groundwork for a dynasty that would carry them through a decade of occasional dominance, but also quite a bit of disappointment. I think Lang's style would have made him the ideal backup for Eaton, Kerr would have been a perfect sixth man and Starks could have formed a rather exciting backcourt with Stockton.

Before Watchmen: Getting back to the good stuff

The more I read of Darwyn Cooke's Minutemen series, the more I'm convinced that DC should have only made this series (and perhaps expanded it) rather than throwing together a bunch of separate miniseries with mixed results. Minuteman is consistently great, and a big part of that is due to the focus on Silhouette — a character who had almost no characterization in the original series beyond "was killed for being a lesbian." Cooke's cover puts the spotlight on Silhouette, revealing a scene from this issue's climax with her bleeding out in a church. There's no threat of her dying here — as we all know she was ultimately murdered in bed with her lover — but there still is a fair bit of emotion and drama. What strikes me is how completely alone she is. This is supposed to be a team book, but she seems to be the only member of the Minutemen actually putting her life on the line.

The variant cover by Cliff Chiang is nothing terribly special, but it is well done. I liked how even in the setting of a parade, Chiang was able to capture each character's personality perfectly. Silk Spectre and Captain Metropolis are triumphantly posing. Nite Owl and the Dollar Bill are soaking up all the adoration. Silhouette and Hooded Justice are trying to avoid the spotlight, while the Comedian is itching for a fight. And poor Mothman is nervously trying to stay afloat.

Our story picks up in 1962, with Hollis Mason encountering yet another obstacle ahead of the printing of his book. This time it's a rather large man named Norbert Veldon, who introduces himself as a friend of Nelson Gardner. He says that Hollis' manuscript has driven Nelson to the brink of suicide, and he forbids Hollis from publishing his book. But Hollis stands by his work, saying there's nothing in the book that isn't true. Enraged, Norbert rips the manuscript in half and storms away, promising legal action. Although I haven't been able to find any confirmation online, I think there's a high likelihood that Norbert is the Hooded Justice in disguise. He's so big and strong and acting rather elusive about his true relationship to Nelson. But even if he's not Hooded Justice, at the very least he seems to be Nelson's current lover.

Hollis' memories take us back to 1940, where Hooded Justice, Captain Metropolis, Mothman, Dollar Bill, Larry Schexnayder and Nite Owl are discussing what to do with the Comedian after he sexually assaulted the Silk Spectre. Hollis chooses to spend this time reading a comic book about the Minutemen instead, simply saying that he wants the Comedian out. So they all approach the Comedian and inform him that they unanimously decided to expel him from the Minutemen. Eddie quickly admits he made a mistake and begs for a chance to apologize to Sally. The Dollar Bill begins to question his decision, pointing out that Eddie is still just a kid and Sally does dress rather provocatively — a sentiment that is quickly shot down by Larry.

Hollis puts his foot down, calling Eddie a crook and a woman-beater, and he says the Minutemen have to hold themselves to a higher moral standard. Eddie starts picking apart the group's hypocrisy, reminding them all that they destroyed a warehouse of firecrackers and falsely told the world it belonged to terrorists. He reveals that he knows Hollis is a cop, and he (rather homophobically) attacks the "secret" relationship between the Hooded Justice and Captain Metropolis. Tensions rise high enough that Eddie ends up grabbing the Hooded Justice's noose around his neck and using it to flip him around onto a table. While holding Hooded Justice in a stranglehold, Eddie pulls out a gun and threatens to kill anyone who lays a hand on him. And with that dramatic flourish, the Comedian walks away from the Minutemen.

In 1941, the Silk Spectre and Silhouette were supposed to do a "bombshells" photo shoot to support the troops, but Ursula wasn't told of this ahead of time and considers the whole thing ridiculous. Sally insults Ursula, and the two have a bitter back-and-forth until Ursula finally storms off the set after being called a lesbian. Sally angrily tells Larry that Ursula has to go.

In 1942, the Comedian, now wearing a black costume and sporting a thin mustache, is recruited by the FBI. 

Silhouette continues her crusade against the child traffickers. And the only Minuteman who offers her any assistance (from time to time) is Nite Owl. While sharing a cup of coffee, Hollis bemoans how both he and Byron were denied from enlisting in the Army because of their flat feet. This is especially perplexing to Hollis, seeing as how he spends most of his evenings running across rooftops without any issue. Ursula says this may be for the best, since they need good men fighting the "big fight" back in America. She asks for Hollis' help tonight, but he had previously agreed to a publicity stunt with the Dollar Bill. He does, however, give Ursula the number of a police box he checks every hour during his nighttime patrol.

Nite Owl spends some time putting on a show for a group of kids, then has a beer with Dollar Bill in the backseat of a limo. Bill confesses that he's troubled by Captain Metropolis' relationship with Hooded Justice, saying the Bible teaches homosexuality is a mortal sin. Not only does he believe those two men will burn in hell, but he worries about what would happen to the Minutemen's reputation if their secret were ever exposed. Hollis mildly disagrees with this, and Bill ultimately agrees that they shouldn't judge their teammates — out loud, at least.

Meanwhile, Silhouette's mission to just scare and expose some of the traffickers suddenly turned into a rescue mission when she spotted a young girl with a hauntingly blank face. Silhouette opened fire on the traffickers, but she was unprepared to take on so many men at once, and she is shot several times during her mad dash with the girl in her arms. Once she's free of the traffickers, Silhouette is horrified to discover that a stray bullet has pierced the girl's heart. Even worse was how Silhouette noticed the girl's expression was unchanged by death, indicating that she had figuratively been murdered long ago.

Silhouette manages to take refuge in an empty church and get out a phone call to Hollis. He briefly considered involving the rest of the police, but ultimately decided he wanted to save her by himself as Nite Owl. By the time he reaches Silhouette, she had lost a lot of blood and was beginning to fade. So he quickly steals and hot-wires a car to drive her to the hospital. But Ursula tells him to go to her personal doctor instead, who was already expecting them at her home. Hollis briefly reflects on how he deserted his beat to steal a car, but he's blinded by his growing love for Ursula. And that love has blinded him to the true relationship between Ursula and her "doctor."

Cooke continues to blow me away. This is exactly what I want from a Watchmen prequel. Well, almost. I still fervently believe that Allan Moore deliberately intended for every character in his story to not only be deeply flawed in some way, but also unlikable to a certain extent. Cooke made it quite hard on himself to live up to that ideal by focusing on Nite Owl and Silhouette — two of the least flawed and most likable characters from Watchmen. 

Most readers are willing to forgive Hollis for profiting off the scandals of his former teammates, largely because he managed to avoid similar scandals himself and maintain a relatively pure image. I applaud Cooke for deftly compounding this flaw in ways that I hope readers will pick up on. Hollis is completely unfazed by Nelson becoming suicidal. And I don't think it's because he wants Nelson to suffer — he just doesn't care. He may hide this stance behind the noble ideal of revealing the truth, but ultimately, he wants to sell the book for money. That's just one example of Hollis' conflicting, hypocritical nature that Cooke explores with wonderful subtlety. If Hollis truly was concerned with the Minutemen upholding a high moral standard, then he would have resigned after they lied about the fireworks factory. But he did put his foot down against the Comedian. And he did reveal a rather progressive (for 1940) viewpoint to Dollar Bill, but if he truly cared about Silhouette, then he wouldn't have been goofing off with Bill while he knew Ursula was on a potentially dangerous mission. And if he truly cared about being a police officer and upholding the law, then he should have involved the rest of the department in rescuing Silhouette and bringing the child traffickers to justice. Hollis has enough endearing qualities that we're willing and happy to go along with him as our narrator. But Cooke makes sure to include just enough flaws to stay true to Moore's vision.

Silhouette is trickier. Moore didn't put any effort into creating her beyond an illustration that the superhero life would mainly attract sexual deviants and the tragedy of homophobia claiming so many lives. Unlike all the main characters of Watchmen, Moore didn't give Silhouette any flaws or provide any reasons for the readers to dislike her (unless you hate the fact that she's homosexual, then that's your problem). Cooke decided to explore the possibility that Silhouette may, in fact, be the most pure, most earnest member of the Minutemen. My knee-jerk reaction was to revolt against this. But after reading this issue, I've gained a deeper appreciation for Cooke's approach. Stories are more enjoyable with likable characters without any major flaws. And Cooke has deepened the tragedy of Silhouette by showing that only one of her teammates actually cares about her life's work, and even he is easily distracted by the lure of fame. It's probably not the story Moore would have told, but I'm really enjoying it.

As always, the artwork by Cooke and colorist Phil Noto is stunningly superb. Cooke interspersed this issue with panels of the Minutemen comic (which paid homage to the classic All-Star Comics #3). Cooke's attention to detail is impressive as he not only perfectly imitated the writing style of those 1940s comics, but also the crude artwork. This whole series has been so great, it really makes me wish DC had given Cooke the time and space to flesh this story out to 12 issues.