Heart of Steel

Up next is an exciting sci-fi two-parter slightly based off an old Czech play that introduced the world to the concept of robots. "Heart of Steel" was the 38th and 39th episodes produced and 39th and 40th episodes aired on Nov. 16 and 17, 1992.

Part I

I really liked the robot briefcase at the beginning. It was really versatile with a ton of different tools, a powerful laser and even a rocket. It's fun to have some high-tech science fiction stuff with Batman every now and then. Plus one point.

But while this cool robot is doing its thing, one of the security guards decides to walk Bruce Wayne out of his office, but for some reason, he had a hard time unlocking the door. First of all, why did he have to unlock the door to get out of it? Second, what kind of incompetent guard is this? You should know which keys do what! I know they needed to find a way to delay Bruce, but I think they could have come up with something better than a guard fumbling with his keys. Minus one point.

I'll take another point off for what happens next. When the guards hear the alarm go off, they push Bruce into a random room. Once inside, Bruce reaches up and touches nothing on the wall (I think there was supposed to be a button or picture or something, but they didn't draw anything) and the wall turns around, giving him a chance to turn into Batman. Again, I have two problems with this. Does Bruce have secret panels like this in every room in his office just in case? And what happens if someone else happens to touch that exact same spot on that wall? Also, what happened when those guards went back to that room to check on Bruce only to find he's disappeared? Too many problems here.

But the score will go back up to a 5 for the introduction to Barbara Gordon, and most notably her relationship with he father, Jim Gordon. In this continuity, it looks like she's the only family he has, and you can really see how much love they have for each other, which is sweet. I also liked the thing with her teddy bear. Just a nice, heart-warming relationship.

I'll also add a point for the character Karl Rossum. His name comes from the 1921 Czech play by Karl Capek, "Rossum's Universal Robots," which invented the word robot. This Rossum is also fun because he is a nice guy, but there's something about him that makes you suspicious of him. I also loved to hear Batman say Rossum taught him everything he knew about electronics. Not only would Batman have sought out the best martial arts teachers, but also the best electronic experts as well.

The story gets really exciting when we're introduced to the robotic Jim Gordon. This works so well because of the tender moments earlier with him and Barbara and the teddy bear. Now, we're not only worried for Jim and Gotham, but also his only daughter. The score's up to a 7 now.

And I'll add one more point for the great cliff-hanger. Bruce's new girlfriend is really a bad guy, she electrocutes Alfred and discovers the Batcave! That really is one of the best endings to an episode that I've seen. Luckily, audiences only had to wait one day to see the second part.

Final score: 8

Part II

Luckily, Part II didn't get off to a slow start like Part I did. Instead, the action only intensifies with the introduction of more body snatchers! With the mayor, Bullock and several other influential men in Gotham being replaced, we don't know who to trust anymore. This is the kind of storyline that could effectively be carried out in the comics over the course of a few months. Unfortunately, this show only allowed it to be two episodes. In any case, the score is at a 6.

One great thing about fighting robots is you have complete freedom to be as violent as possible. The best one was with the robot Bullock, who fell into the Bat signal, which electrocuted his skin off. I also wanted to have Batman say, "Good job, you took out the robot Bullock" and have Barbara say, "He was a robot?" Plus one point.

I'll add another point for seeing Barbara Gordon act like Batgirl long before she put on her costume. Yes, some of her detective skills were a little over-convenient, like the fingerprints on the keypad, but the concept was good. I like seeing heroes act heroic before becoming superheroes. The mask and cape doesn't make someone heroic, what's inside does.

I do have to bring the score back down to a 7 for a rather stupid and illogical move by the computer villain H.A.R.D.A.C. He kidnapped a whole bunch of people and kept them alive in a water tank hidden underground. But he later pulls that tank up to show everybody those victims were still alive, which only left them exposed to be rescued. Not a very logical move for a computer.

But I'll give a point back for the great fight scene at the end. Fighting robots is so much fun, especially when Bruce's one-time girlfriend has half her face blown off. Just a lot of freaky fun. Luckily, we will see the robots come back one more time.

Final score: 8

The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne

As a kid, my favorite episodes were always the ones where all the villains get to come together. This is such an episode. Unfortunately, it didn't quite live up to my old memories. It still isn't too bad, though. "The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne" was the 37th episode produced and 29th aired on Oct. 29, 1992.

One thing that bugged me right at the start was an off-hand comment by Batman, saying that Dr. Strange's resort is owned by a Daggett company. But Batman never interrogates Roland Daggett and he's never mentioned again throughout the whole episode. We just barely had a Daggett episode in "Cat Scratch Fever," so why can't he be here? (It would have been nice to see him redeem himself after that lame episode.) And if you're not going to use him, then why mention him at all? I know this is nit-picky, but I'm still going to take a point off for this. Batman knows Daggett is evil, so he should have gone to him first.

But I'll bring the score back up to a 5 for the exciting plot point in this episode, namely, that someone finally discovered Batman's secret identity! This is the first time a villain learned this most-guarded secret and it was quite thrilling to watch Batman try to figure out a way to get out of this mess. Sadly, Hugo Strange never does anything significant again until the Arkham City game, but he was pretty awesome in that, and pretty fun here.

I'll add another point for the Joker's answering machine. "Boy, did you get the wrong number! Leave your message at the sound of the shriek!" This line is too perfect and too funny to make you think about the absurdity of Joker having an answering machine in the first place.

Now, for the best part of the episode, the Joker, the Penguin and Two-Face all on the screen together and all with speaking roles! We've had a couple of episodes where we've seen all these villains, but they never said anything. That's because it's a lot easier to draw somebody than have a voice actor come in. But in this episode, we see three of the top villains come together, bicker a bit amongst themselves, but mostly work well together. And they very nearly learned Batman's secret identity, which surely would have spelt doom for the Caped Crusader. The score's up to a 7.

However, even though I liked watching the villains come together, I still can't help but wonder why they initially agreed to pay Strange more than $53 million for that tape. Why didn't they just skip that step and pull out their guns on him like they did when they saw the tape was fake. They should have had Penguin suggest to combine their resources, have Joker say, "I have a better idea, why don't we not pay him anything?" then have Two-Face flip his coin, agree, and pull out his guns. Then you have a cowering Strange play the tape to get them to put the guns away and then the rest of the episode could play like normal. But sadly, that's not what happened, and for that, I'll have to take off a point.

Final score: 6

Cat Scratch Fever

Sadly, it seems the majority of Catwoman episodes are of rather low quality, this one being perhaps the worst. But it can't all be bad, can it? Let's find out. "Cat Scratch Fever" was the 36th episode produced and 33rd aired on Nov. 5, 1992.

At the beginning, we see Selina Kyle being sentenced by a judge for her activities as Catwoman, but she received a lighter sentence because she helped Batman stop the Red Claw. Not only was I happy with the nod to continuity there, but I was really happy to see a Batman villain actually stand before a judge after being caught. All too often they just immediately get sent to Arkham, so it was great to have a realistic change of pace. I'll add a point for this scene, which is unfortunately the best part of the episode.

The first point I'll take off is for the really bad, distracting animation. Not only were all the characters constantly off model, but their mouths often failed to match their words and their clothes randomly changed color from one scene to the next. A lot of parts were just extremely lazy. Like when Selina went to pull her cat out of a net. All she did was touch the side of it and it suddenly fell apart like it was cut with a knife. Maybe she was supposed to have a knife and then it got censored out, but I don't care; it looked stupid and served as a perfect example for how sloppily this episode was animated.

I'll take another point off for Roland Daggett's ridiculous, over-the-top evil plot. His goal was to infect a bunch of stray animals to spread a new disease through Gotham, to which only he had the cure. Come on, Daggett, I expected better from you. What are you going to do next, steal candy from the orphanage? What happened to the Daggett who wanted to blow up Crime Alley or blackmail Bruce Wayne? That Daggett was a good, realistic villain. This one is just looking for stupid ways to act evil.

Another main complaint with this episode is that it's really boring. Like, really, really boring. The main bulk of the action simply involves Batman being chased by a rabid dog. OK, that's kind of scary, I guess, but shouldn't Batman easily be able to defeat a dog? Apparently not. The score's down to a 3.

Now, this episode introduced us to a little-known, yet recurring character named Dr. Milo. I like the idea of Milo, an evil doctor specializing in animals, but in this episode, he really doesn't do anything. In fact, he acts more like an idiot than someone with title of doctor should act like. His worst line of the episode was when Batman was in the lake, hiding under the ice, and after about 20 seconds, Milo says "No one can withstand this degree of hypothermia!" Uhh, hypothermia is what you get after being in the cold for too long, not something you're you're "in" like he's suggesting. They should have had him say something smarter, like "At this temperature, Batman has only 2 minutes before hypothermia sets in." But I'm not a doctor, so maybe what he said wasn't wrong at all. But it did bug me, so that, combined with his terrible performance through the whole episode, will drop the score to a 2.

Final score: 2

Night of the Ninja

It's nice to get back to some classic Batman episodes. Today's is "Night of the Ninja," the 35th episode produced and 28th aired on Oct. 26, 1992.

The first point I'll give this show is for the main villain, Kyodai, actually being really cool. Let's just face it — ninjas are awesome. When we first see Kyodai, he uses a ninja star to knock a gun out of a guard's hand and pin it in a wall, hanging by the trigger guard. He also was quite adept with his sword, being able to pull it out, cut a flashlight in half, then put his sword back before the flashlight fell apart. Classic ninja stuff; and it works so well with Batman.

I'll bring the score up to a 7 for the rare and wonderful flashbacks of a pre-Batman Bruce Wayne training in Japan. I love the idea of a young Bruce traveling the world and seeking out the best masters in a variety of skills. Sadly, we see very little of this, which makes "Night of the Ninja" an especially important piece of Batman history.

I'll add another point for some great Batman and Robin banter. After Bruce beats Dick during a training session, Dick makes funny faces at Bruce behind his back. Later, Robin saves Batman from a quick run-in with Kyodai, and after Batman says nothing, Robin does a Bats impression and says, "Thanks for saving my life, Robin." "Hey, don't mention it!" You can tell there is a little tension there between the two of them, but it's all in good-natured fun at this point. And everything wraps up nicely at the end when Bruce really does thank Dick at the end.

Now, I don't mind Summer Gleeson as a character, but in this episode, she played a very annoying Lois Lane impersonation. She was constantly chasing down Bruce, trying to break some hot story. Obviously there would be reporters like her in Gotham City, but I'd prefer them not to be Lois Lane clones. The score's back to a 7.

I'm going to take off another point for Kyodai's repeated use of his gas gun. Once was OK, but three times was a bit much for me. I mean, come on, he's a ninja! He should have a whole host of weapons and tools and means to subdue people. At least use smoke pellets like Batman.

Luckily, the score will rise back up to a 7 for the great fight scene at the end. Not only do we get to see Bruce fight in a tuxedo, but we see him beat up with a black eye and everything, which is about as much damage as this show would get with the no-blood rule. Another great part at the end was a classic Batman line: "Shut up and fight." Just perfect.

Final score: 7

Was Kevin O'Connor a Good GM? Part 11

I'll admit I've been putting this season off because of how painful it was. Not so much for what the Jazz did, but what Kevin O'Connor did. I really see this year as the turning point where O'Connor started to subtly and slowly ruin the team that made it to the Western Conference Finals. This team had a good, strong rotation and their oldest player (Memo Okur) was only 30. But what O'Connor did and did not do in this and the next season completely destroyed his second rebuilding plan, which was actually working. (I also blame Greg Miller, as well, but for simplicity's sake, I'll direct everything at O'Connor.) So, I kind of view this year as the beginning of the end, hence my great reluctance to analyze it. Nevertheless, I will bravely push ahead!

Season 11: 2009-10

Coming off a 48-win season, the Jazz had the 20th pick in the 2009 draft, which O'Connor wanted to use on a backup point guard, which I feel was the right choice here. The Jazz roster was looking pretty good everywhere, but was pretty thin in the backcourt. Ironically, every other team in the late teen and early twenties of the draft also wanted a point guard. Jrue Holiday, Ty Lawson and Jeff Teague were all taken immediately before Utah's pick, leaving Eric Maynor, Darren Collison and Rodrigue Beaubois as the best available points. Collison has had a better career so far (he's now the starting point guard for Dallas), but I don't think he would've lasted more than half a year in Utah like Maynor did, so I won't say O'Connor made the wrong draft pick here, but I do say he made the wrong decision by trading Maynor away so soon (more on that later). On a side note, I think it's interesting to point out O'Connor could have drafted current Jazzman DeMarre Carroll or some other big names like Omri Casspi, Taj Gibson, DeJuan Blair or Jonas Jerebko, but none of those guys would have filled an immediate position need like Maynor did.

In the second round, O'Connor used the 50th pick on Croation big man Goran Suton, who failed to make the team at training camp and is currently playing in Zagreb. The only big name left the Jazz could have grabbed at this point was Patty Mills, who is now making a decent living as Tony Parker's backup. But why would the Jazz take two point guards in the same draft that saw Minnesota take four points? (Yeah, the T'Wolves did trade a couple of them away, but it still was quite a perplexing night for them.)

The next big move O'Connor made was matching Portland's offer to Paul Millsap. Not only was Millsap already a fan favorite for his work ethic, but he was poised to replace Carlos Boozer, who had missed most of last season with myriad injuries and openly talked about opting out of his contract to get a big raise from another team. Only Booz didn't find anyone willing to pay a guy who jogged through 30 games, so he was forced to return to Utah for one more season. Instead of kicking the cancerous Carlos off the team, O'Connor decided to ride out his final year and hope for the best. I really wish he would have looked to trade him away earlier and committed fully to Millsap. At least he didn't let Millsap go to Portland.

One fun thing that happened this year was a surprise training camp player making the team. Undrafted shooting guard Wesley Matthews surprised everyone and quickly became my favorite player. He just worked so hard and had a great ability to make the occasional impossible shot. He played all 82 games, started 48, and averaged 9.4 points per game. Sadly, that wasn't enough for O'Connor to keep him the next season when Portland offered an "outrageous" $6 million a year contract. Just ask Blazers fans how much they regret that. Seriously, with Maynor and Matthews, it looked like the Jazz had resolved their backcourt issues for the foreseeable future. But the Jazz were too worried about the salary cap to keep them.

Now here's where things get ugly. By December 2009, it was painfully clear that Matt Harpring would never play another game of basketball, but he still had one year left on his contract for $6.5 million. Now, I really loved Harpring as a player, and he really seems like a nice guy, but is it ethical to take a $6.5 million paycheck when you can't work? Also, why couldn't the Jazz work out some injury-insurance clause with the NBA to get out of this contract? It just doesn't seem right for a team to be obligated to pay a person who is not contributing in any way, shape or form to the team's success. But that is exactly what happened. The Jazz had this sizable contract clogging up the salary cap and had to dump it. Luckily, they were able to find a team that could absorb the dead weight. However, they wanted an asset in return. So on Dec. 22, Kevin O'Connor traded Matt Harping and Eric Maynor to the Thunder for the rights to Peter Fehse. Fehse, a big man from Germany, was a 2002 second round pick who never made it to the NBA and probably never will. O'Connor praised the trade as a great opportunity to avoid the luxury tax and only pretended to be a little sad at losing Maynor, calling him the price one had to pay to create flexibility in the salary cap. Meanwhile, Andrei Kirilenko was making  $16.45 million and Boozer $13.5 million. (Did O'Connor even try to trade these guys or was just that nobody wanted them? Both seem quite possible at this point.) One of the biggest opponents to this trade was Deron Williams, who had just lost probably his best backup ever. In his 26 games, Maynor averaged 5.2 points per game and showed plenty of potential. But O'Connor traded him away for financial reasons, which made D-Will upset. Watch for this trend to continue.

To replace Eric Maynor, O'Connor signed Sundiata Gaines, who quickly grew to fame by hitting the game-winning shot to cap an exciting, come-from-behind victory over LeBron's Cavs. Gaines only played 32 games with the Jazz and has since bounced around the league, failing to live up to that one amazing shot against Cleveland.

Not long after that, O'Connor decided the Jazz needed to dump more salary, which he did by sending Ronnie Brewer to Memphis for a 2011 first round pick. Of course, Brewer was only making $2.7 million that year, but as O'Connor explained, the Jazz had a "logjam" at that position with C.J. Miles, Kyle Korver and the newly-discovered Matthews. But Brewer had started 53 games for the Jazz at that point, averaging 9.5 ppg and a team-high 1.6 steals per game. Yes, he was a pretty awful shooter, especially from the foul line, but he was probably the team's top defenders and one of Deron Williams' favorite teammates. Twice in one season, O'Connor made a trade that hurt the team basketball-wise in the name of avoiding the luxury tax. And for the second time this season, O'Connor upset the face of the franchise, D-Will. Now, I'm not saying teams should always pander to the whims of their superstars, but I don't think it's unreasonable for anybody to be upset with a team that trades away valuable assets for virtually nothing just because that team has decided to be cheap. This Brewer trade was slightly better than the Maynor one because you can actually do something with a first round pick, but in terms of upsetting Utah's best player and making the team worse in the short run, it became a rather terrible trade.

O'Connor then had to sign one more player to keep the Jazz at the minimum roster size. How weird is that? The Jazz didn't have enough players on their roster in February? The lucky replacement for Brewer was Othyus Jeffers, who only played in 14 games and has been bouncing around the league since.

As it turns out, perhaps the single greatest factor toward any Jazz success this season was Carlos Boozer playing in a contract year. After he got embarrassed in the free agent market, he finally realized that he should be healthy for once, so he played 78 games and led the Jazz with 19.5 ppg and 11.2 rpg. Deron Williams was right behind him with 18.7 ppg and 10.7 apg. Memo Okur put up 13.5 ppg and 7.1 rpg, but he got hurt in the first quarter of the first playoff game and was never the same after that. Andrei Kirilenko only played in 58 games, but he did average 11.9 ppg, which wasn't too bad considering how he'd been playing in recent years. (Still not worth $16 million, though.)

Paul Millsap showed he deserved the bigger Portland contract by putting up 11.6 ppg and 6.8 rpg off the bench. C.J. Miles averaged a tantalizing 9.9 ppg and Kyle Korver scored 7.2 ppg but only played in 52 games. (Apparently their combined efforts were enough to justify the Brewer trade.) Rounding out the roster was Ronnie Price, Kyrylo Fesenko and Kosta Koufos, who all did just a little bit more than nothing.

Despite the trade turmoil, the Jazz managed 53 wins in 2009-10 and even beat the Denver Nuggets in six games in the first round. That was a pretty enjoyable series because my roommate was a big Nuggets fan. It was odd, though, that my girlfriend (yes, I once had a girlfriend!) became a Carmelo Anthony fan because he "smiled a lot." Unfortunately, the Jazz took no momentum from this win and got swept by the Lakers in the second round. I guess that's what happens when you don't have Brewer to guard Kobe, you don't have Okur to stretch the defense, and the undersized Boozer-Millsap combo gets destroyed by Gasol and Odom. It was a pretty pathetic end to a rather frustrating season. I could see a lot of potential on the roster, but Kevin O'Connor kept messing things up by trying fix his previous mistakes of grossly overpaying Kirilenko and slightly overpaying Boozer. Sadly, the next season I'll have to write about may be the worst Jazz season I ever witnessed, so it might take me another two months to get that one out.