Thursday, December 12, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1987


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 22, 1987 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1986-87 Jazz were a young and upcoming team. Karl Malone wasn't quite an All-Star yet, but he did receive votes for both MVP and Most Improved Player. Mark Eaton led the league in blocks and finished third in voting for Defensive Player of the Year. But most frustratingly, head coach Frank Layden insisted on starting Rickey Green over John Stockton, even though Stockton put up superior numbers in limited minutes. Layden eventually learned the error of his ways during the first round of the playoffs, but he made the switch too late, and Utah fell to Golden State in five games.

The draft:

In the first round, Utah used the 15th pick on Oregon State power forward José Ortiz.

The Jazz didn't have a second-round pick this year, as it was included in the 1986 trade that send Adrian Dantley to Detroit for Kelly Tripucka. But the Jazz did have plenty of other picks in this seven-round draft.

In the third round, Utah used the 61st pick on Western Kentucky center Clarence Martin.

A 1986 trade that sent Fred Roberts to Boston gave the Jazz the 68th pick, which they used on Providence point guard Billy Donovan.

In the fourth round, Utah used the 84th pick on Alabama State center Reuben Holmes.

In the fifth round, the Jazz used the 107th pick on Nebraska-Kearney shooting guard Bart Kofoed.

In the sixth round, Utah used the the 130th pick on Bloomfield guard Art Sabb.

And finally, in the seventh round, the Jazz selected a guard from Harvard named Keith Webster with the 153rd pick. Whew!

Analysis:

José Ortiz was, and perhaps still is, considered the greatest basketball player to come from Puerto Rico. Even though he played at Oregon State, there was genuine concern that he had no interest in playing in the NBA, as that would prevent him from representing Puerto Rico in the playoffs. But apparently assured Jazz officials he would play in the NBA, and I'm sure Utah considered him quite the steal at No. 15. But the 1987 offseason was an odd one, where a league-wide moratorium prevented teams from hosting summer games or even contacting their draft picks for months. During this time, Oriz shocked the Jazz by signing a four-year deal with a team in Spain. So the Jazz played the 1987-88 season without their first-round pick.

In 1988, the Jazz got a strange idea stuck in their head that the best way forward was to create a three forward lineup of Karl Malone, Thurl Bailey and free agent Tom Chambers. But Phoenix offered Chambers a massive deal he couldn't refuse. Desperate to bring this three forward dream to life, Utah general manager Dave Checketts flew out to Spain once and Puerto Rico twice to personally negotiate with Ortiz. At first, Ortiz demanded to be traded to Miami, but the Jazz couldn't work out a deal. Ortiz eventually agreed to come to Utah, but getting out of his contract in Spain proved tricky. Utah's solution was an unconventional "trade." They released overweight Mel Turpin so he could take Ortiz's spot on his team in Spain.

Was Ortiz worth all that hassle? Absolutely not. The three forward lineup crashed and burned, as Ortiz was nowhere near the level of Malone and Bailey. He only managed 6 minutes per game in 64 games over two seasons before he demanded the Jazz waive him so he could return to Spain. And Ortiz went down in Jazz history as perhaps their worst draft pick of the decade.

Utah's other six picks of this draft didn't fare much better. Only two of them saw any NBA action. Billy Donovan played 44 games for the Knicks before becoming a legendary college coach, winning back-to-back NCAA championships with Florida. He's currently the head coach of the Chicago Bulls.

Fifth-round draft pick Bart Kofoed was the only pick this year that played for the Jazz in the 1987-88 season. And he miraculously managed to make Utah's roster despite breaking his foot. He played so well in the 1988 playoffs, the Jazz gave him a two-year contract. But then he got into a fight with Bobby Hansen at a New Year's Eve party and he ended up breaking Hansen's cheekbone. The Jazz promptly waived him, and he spent the next few years bouncing back and forth between the NBA and CBA.

So, we obviously have a lot of room for improvement. And we have seven draft picks to work with, which certainly makes things exciting! So let's run through this in rapid fire.

With their first-round pick, the Jazz should have taken Reggie Lewis. They didn't need a third forward to pair with Malone and Bailey — they needed a swingman who could do what Kelly Tripucka was supposed to do, but was unwilling/unable to. Lewis was an All-Star in Boston before shockingly dying at the age of 27. There seems to be a strong possibility his death was caused by cocaine use, so I'm going to take a chance on him. I know this sounds silly, but maybe — just maybe — he'll have a hard time finding cocaine in Salt Lake than Boston. And if not, then I'll still be happy with the handful of quality seasons he'd give the Jazz.

In the third round, I'd use the 61st pick on Kevin Gamble. He's also a swingman, but he actually had the best years of his career while playing alongside Lewis in Boston. So I'd like to see if the Jazz could capture some of that magic.

With the 68th pick, I'll take Chris Dudley, an unglamorous big man from Yale, who managed to have a 16-year NBA career due to his strong rebounding and shot-blocking.

In the fourth round, I wish I could recommend Sarunas Marciulionis. The Lithuanian Hall of Famer did have a decent NBA career, but he was technically ineligible to be drafted in 1987 because he was too old, according to the league's rules regarding European players at the time. So I'll instead take Scott Brooks, an undrafted point guard, who somehow ended up having a 10-year NBA career. Perhaps he could do better than Kofoed.

As for the last three remaining picks? I don't really care. There's no one else worth taking. Ironically, Kofoed was the best player from the fifth round, so I guess you might as well take him to compete with Brooks.

My advice:

1. Use the 15th pick on Reggie Lewis.
2. Use the 61st pick on Kevin Gamble.
3. Use the 68th pick on Chris Dudley.
4. Use the 84th pick on Scott Brooks.
5. Use the 107th pick on Bart Kofoed.
6. Use the 130th pick on Art Sabb.
7. Use the 153rd pick on Keith Webster.

Ironically, I'm actually most excited about adding Chris Dudley to the Jazz. I think his personality would have been a perfect fit in Utah, and he would have been an ideal backup to Mark Eaton. Maybe even his replacement later down the line. Reggie Lewis certainly is an intriguing pick, but Dudley promises the reliable dependability that every team needs from a role player.

Wednesday, December 11, 2024

Before Watchmen: Time for the drugs!


Wow. I haven't written on this blog since August! And I haven't done an issue of Silk Spectre since March! I guess this what happens when you grow up and lose all your free time. And when you're not really into the story you're trying to review. I'm sorry, I'm just not that into psychedelic drug trips. They bore me. Just like this cover by Amanda Conner and Paul Mounts. Oooo ... it's so strange and trippy! I get it! I just ... don't care.


The variant cover by Michael and Laura Allred is also something that doesn't really excite me. Yeah, it captures the feel of the hippie crowd Laurie has been hanging with. But including the entire Watchmen roster doesn't fit with this story. Almost none of these characters are here, so I consider covers like this to be misleading. As fun as it might be to have a story examining Laurie falling in love with Dr. Manhattan, this isn't that story.

This story is about how Laurie decided to truly become a superhero. We open with six pages of Laurie's drug-induced hallucination. The most interesting part is where Laurie admits that she had always hoped the Hooded Justice was secretly her father, but she realizes that any member of the Minutemen could be her dad. Laurie also notes how odd it is that she treats Hollis Mason as a father figure, even though she only sees him every few years (it's almost as if Darwyn Cooke could anticipate my complaint).

Hollis, meanwhile, got quite an earful from Sally, who demanded that he fly out to San Francisco at once to rescue her daughter. Hollis believes that such an intervention would only push Laurie further away, but Sally rejects this argument, and says she'll contact someone who will find Laurie. Realizing that Sally was referring to Eddie Blake, Hollis immediately schedules a flight to California.

Laurie was in too much of a daze at the party to warn her friends about Gurustein. She wakes up the next morning to find her boyfriend, Greg, has overdosed. As he recovers in the hospital, Laurie reveals to him that she's the Silk Spectre and she has to return to that life of vigilantism because she can't sit by when people are being hurt. The doctors then send Laurie away, promising her that he'll make a full recovery.

So Laurie decides to immediately pay a visit to Gurustein and the unnamed businessman simply referred to as the Chairman. But while she's off procuring her trademark thigh-high boots (by breaking into a closed shoe store, and paying the owner in loose change), the Comedian kidnaps Greg and takes him down to a morgue, where he threaten to kill the boy unless he agrees to immediately join the military and ship off to Vietnam. When Greg relents, the Comedian adds one more condition: He must copy down a letter in his own hand and sign it.

Now in full costume, the Silk Spectre easily fights her way into Gurustein's orgy, punches him out and sternly warns the Chairman to stop giving his drugs to her friends. And then she just ... walks away, goes home and goes to sleep. Eddie sneaks into his daughter's room, deposits Greg's letter, and takes one of Lauries smiley face buttons.




No, I never needed any added significance to the Comedian's iconic button. But I'm not too bothered by this, either. It's the same feeling I have for this story as a whole ... just a lot of indifference. Gorgeously illustrated. Slightly innovative with some of the drug pages. Fairly funny at parts. But not terribly interesting. In hindsight, I do kind of like how Cooke and Conner demonstrated the complete futility of a teenaged girl vigilante. Yeah, she can beat up a couple of people, but so what? Is that going to stop anyone or change anything? Doubtful. Her actions are just as pointless and impotent as Sally's and Hollis'. The only person who can accomplish anything in this story is Eddie, who has a gun, deep government connections and a lack of remorse for taking rather unsavory actions.

So in the end, I don't hate this issue (or the Silk Spectre series as a whole). I just can't get too excited about a story about futile, meaningless actions. Same for the backup, The Curse of the Crimson Corsair. Now that is an exercise in futility.

Thursday, August 15, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1988


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 28, 1988 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The Stockton-Malone era officially began in the 1987-88 season. After spending three seasons on the bench, John Stockton was finally named the starter and immediately led the league in assists, earning a spot on the All-NBA Second Team and finishing second in voting for Most Improved Player (losing to Portland's Kevin Duckworth). Coincidentally, a couple of other Jazz players also took second-place in the end-of-season awards. Thurl Bailey fell to Dallas big man Roy Tarpley in Sixth Man of the Year and Mark Eaton was runner-up to Michael Jordan's Defensive Player of the Year. And of course, there was Karl Malone, who not only joined John Stockton on the All-NBA Second Team and Mark Eaton on the All-Defensive Second Team, but he also made his first All-Star team (curiously, Stockton wasn't named an All-Star until the 1988-89 season).

Anyway, it seems the Jazz were cursed by the number 2 this year, as they were eliminated in the second round of the playoffs. This was an especially heart-breaking loss, as they had pushed the eventual champion Lakers to seven games. Beyond the big four of Stockton, Malone, Bailey and Eaton, this roster needed quite a bit of work. The Kelly Tripucka experiment had failed miserably. Darrell Griffith's decline was on full display. And Eaton's backup, Melvin Turpin, was living up to his unfortunate nickname of Dinner Bell Mel.

The draft:

In the first round, the Jazz used their No. 17 pick on a center from Wyoming named Eric Leckner.

In the second round, Utah grabbed Iowa shooting guard Jeff Moe at the 42nd pick.

And in the third round (this my first time with three rounds!), the Jazz used the 67th pick on Oklahoma point guard Ricky Grace.

Analysis:

Leckner was an understandable pick at the time, and he certainly wasn't a terrible player. He spent eight years in the NBA, but never made much of an impact anywhere. After playing two years for the Jazz, Leckner was packaged in the three-way trade that brought Jeff Malone to Utah. Obviously we can do better. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to steer clear of some of the most tantalizing available prospects here. Vernon Maxwell and Anthony Mason had stellar careers, but I don't think they would have fit in well with Utah's culture. Rod Strickland was one of the best point guards of the '90s, but what's the point in drafting an over-qualified backup for a young Stockton? So I'm going to have to play it safe and make a boring, non-sexy pick: Andrew Lang. Eaton DID need a reliable backup, and Lang is the best available shot-blocker. His 12-year career wasn't particularly eye-popping, but I think it would have been great for Frank Layden (and/or Jerry Sloan) to be able to sub out one shot-blocker for another.

Jeff Moe never made Utah's roster — or any NBA roster, for that matter. He went to the CBA, but got cut after just 14 games. So he became a real estate agent. Fortunately, I have just the man who can be everything the Jazz thought Moe could give them and more: Steve Kerr. Although he was a perpetual backup, Kerr was one of the most accurate shooters in the game during his 15-year career. And he was an important piece of Chicago's and San Antonio's championship teams. As an added bonus, Kerr will go down in history as one of the greatest head coaches in basketball. And perhaps, even more important than his shooting, is his attitude and temperament. I believe he would have fit in perfectly with Utah.

Ricky Grace also never made the Jazz roster. But he actually enjoyed a lengthy and productive career in Australia — winning four championships and two MVP awards. He eventually did make it to the NBA, but only for a three-game stint with the Hawks. Luckily, I once again have the perfect upgrade: John Starks. This undrafted athletic guard became a fixture for the Knicks in the '90s, earning a spot in one All-Star Game, the All-Defensive Second Team once and the Sixth Man of the Year. Starks actually did play his final two seasons for the Jazz, but he was merely a shadow of his former self by that point.

My advice:

1. Use the 17th pick on Andrew Lang.
2. Use the 42nd pick on Steve Kerr.
3. Use the 67th pick on John Starks.

This was a crucial year for the Jazz, as they were setting the groundwork for a dynasty that would carry them through a decade of occasional dominance, but also quite a bit of disappointment. I think Lang's style would have made him the ideal backup for Eaton, Kerr would have been a perfect sixth man and Starks could have formed a rather exciting backcourt with Stockton.

Thursday, August 8, 2024

Before Watchmen: Getting back to the good stuff


The more I read of Darwyn Cooke's Minutemen series, the more I'm convinced that DC should have only made this series (and perhaps expanded it) rather than throwing together a bunch of separate miniseries with mixed results. Minuteman is consistently great, and a big part of that is due to the focus on Silhouette — a character who had almost no characterization in the original series beyond "was killed for being a lesbian." Cooke's cover puts the spotlight on Silhouette, revealing a scene from this issue's climax with her bleeding out in a church. There's no threat of her dying here — as we all know she was ultimately murdered in bed with her lover — but there still is a fair bit of emotion and drama. What strikes me is how completely alone she is. This is supposed to be a team book, but she seems to be the only member of the Minutemen actually putting her life on the line.


The variant cover by Cliff Chiang is nothing terribly special, but it is well done. I liked how even in the setting of a parade, Chiang was able to capture each character's personality perfectly. Silk Spectre and Captain Metropolis are triumphantly posing. Nite Owl and the Dollar Bill are soaking up all the adoration. Silhouette and Hooded Justice are trying to avoid the spotlight, while the Comedian is itching for a fight. And poor Mothman is nervously trying to stay afloat.

Our story picks up in 1962, with Hollis Mason encountering yet another obstacle ahead of the printing of his book. This time it's a rather large man named Norbert Veldon, who introduces himself as a friend of Nelson Gardner. He says that Hollis' manuscript has driven Nelson to the brink of suicide, and he forbids Hollis from publishing his book. But Hollis stands by his work, saying there's nothing in the book that isn't true. Enraged, Norbert rips the manuscript in half and storms away, promising legal action. Although I haven't been able to find any confirmation online, I think there's a high likelihood that Norbert is the Hooded Justice in disguise. He's so big and strong and acting rather elusive about his true relationship to Nelson. But even if he's not Hooded Justice, at the very least he seems to be Nelson's current lover.

Hollis' memories take us back to 1940, where Hooded Justice, Captain Metropolis, Mothman, Dollar Bill, Larry Schexnayder and Nite Owl are discussing what to do with the Comedian after he sexually assaulted the Silk Spectre. Hollis chooses to spend this time reading a comic book about the Minutemen instead, simply saying that he wants the Comedian out. So they all approach the Comedian and inform him that they unanimously decided to expel him from the Minutemen. Eddie quickly admits he made a mistake and begs for a chance to apologize to Sally. The Dollar Bill begins to question his decision, pointing out that Eddie is still just a kid and Sally does dress rather provocatively — a sentiment that is quickly shot down by Larry.

Hollis puts his foot down, calling Eddie a crook and a woman-beater, and he says the Minutemen have to hold themselves to a higher moral standard. Eddie starts picking apart the group's hypocrisy, reminding them all that they destroyed a warehouse of firecrackers and falsely told the world it belonged to terrorists. He reveals that he knows Hollis is a cop, and he (rather homophobically) attacks the "secret" relationship between the Hooded Justice and Captain Metropolis. Tensions rise high enough that Eddie ends up grabbing the Hooded Justice's noose around his neck and using it to flip him around onto a table. While holding Hooded Justice in a stranglehold, Eddie pulls out a gun and threatens to kill anyone who lays a hand on him. And with that dramatic flourish, the Comedian walks away from the Minutemen.

In 1941, the Silk Spectre and Silhouette were supposed to do a "bombshells" photo shoot to support the troops, but Ursula wasn't told of this ahead of time and considers the whole thing ridiculous. Sally insults Ursula, and the two have a bitter back-and-forth until Ursula finally storms off the set after being called a lesbian. Sally angrily tells Larry that Ursula has to go.

In 1942, the Comedian, now wearing a black costume and sporting a thin mustache, is recruited by the FBI. 

Silhouette continues her crusade against the child traffickers. And the only Minuteman who offers her any assistance (from time to time) is Nite Owl. While sharing a cup of coffee, Hollis bemoans how both he and Byron were denied from enlisting in the Army because of their flat feet. This is especially perplexing to Hollis, seeing as how he spends most of his evenings running across rooftops without any issue. Ursula says this may be for the best, since they need good men fighting the "big fight" back in America. She asks for Hollis' help tonight, but he had previously agreed to a publicity stunt with the Dollar Bill. He does, however, give Ursula the number of a police box he checks every hour during his nighttime patrol.

Nite Owl spends some time putting on a show for a group of kids, then has a beer with Dollar Bill in the backseat of a limo. Bill confesses that he's troubled by Captain Metropolis' relationship with Hooded Justice, saying the Bible teaches homosexuality is a mortal sin. Not only does he believe those two men will burn in hell, but he worries about what would happen to the Minutemen's reputation if their secret were ever exposed. Hollis mildly disagrees with this, and Bill ultimately agrees that they shouldn't judge their teammates — out loud, at least.

Meanwhile, Silhouette's mission to just scare and expose some of the traffickers suddenly turned into a rescue mission when she spotted a young girl with a hauntingly blank face. Silhouette opened fire on the traffickers, but she was unprepared to take on so many men at once, and she is shot several times during her mad dash with the girl in her arms. Once she's free of the traffickers, Silhouette is horrified to discover that a stray bullet has pierced the girl's heart. Even worse was how Silhouette noticed the girl's expression was unchanged by death, indicating that she had figuratively been murdered long ago.

Silhouette manages to take refuge in an empty church and get out a phone call to Hollis. He briefly considered involving the rest of the police, but ultimately decided he wanted to save her by himself as Nite Owl. By the time he reaches Silhouette, she had lost a lot of blood and was beginning to fade. So he quickly steals and hot-wires a car to drive her to the hospital. But Ursula tells him to go to her personal doctor instead, who was already expecting them at her home. Hollis briefly reflects on how he deserted his beat to steal a car, but he's blinded by his growing love for Ursula. And that love has blinded him to the true relationship between Ursula and her "doctor."




Cooke continues to blow me away. This is exactly what I want from a Watchmen prequel. Well, almost. I still fervently believe that Allan Moore deliberately intended for every character in his story to not only be deeply flawed in some way, but also unlikable to a certain extent. Cooke made it quite hard on himself to live up to that ideal by focusing on Nite Owl and Silhouette — two of the least flawed and most likable characters from Watchmen. 

Most readers are willing to forgive Hollis for profiting off the scandals of his former teammates, largely because he managed to avoid similar scandals himself and maintain a relatively pure image. I applaud Cooke for deftly compounding this flaw in ways that I hope readers will pick up on. Hollis is completely unfazed by Nelson becoming suicidal. And I don't think it's because he wants Nelson to suffer — he just doesn't care. He may hide this stance behind the noble ideal of revealing the truth, but ultimately, he wants to sell the book for money. That's just one example of Hollis' conflicting, hypocritical nature that Cooke explores with wonderful subtlety. If Hollis truly was concerned with the Minutemen upholding a high moral standard, then he would have resigned after they lied about the fireworks factory. But he did put his foot down against the Comedian. And he did reveal a rather progressive (for 1940) viewpoint to Dollar Bill, but if he truly cared about Silhouette, then he wouldn't have been goofing off with Bill while he knew Ursula was on a potentially dangerous mission. And if he truly cared about being a police officer and upholding the law, then he should have involved the rest of the department in rescuing Silhouette and bringing the child traffickers to justice. Hollis has enough endearing qualities that we're willing and happy to go along with him as our narrator. But Cooke makes sure to include just enough flaws to stay true to Moore's vision.

Silhouette is trickier. Moore didn't put any effort into creating her beyond an illustration that the superhero life would mainly attract sexual deviants and the tragedy of homophobia claiming so many lives. Unlike all the main characters of Watchmen, Moore didn't give Silhouette any flaws or provide any reasons for the readers to dislike her (unless you hate the fact that she's homosexual, then that's your problem). Cooke decided to explore the possibility that Silhouette may, in fact, be the most pure, most earnest member of the Minutemen. My knee-jerk reaction was to revolt against this. But after reading this issue, I've gained a deeper appreciation for Cooke's approach. Stories are more enjoyable with likable characters without any major flaws. And Cooke has deepened the tragedy of Silhouette by showing that only one of her teammates actually cares about her life's work, and even he is easily distracted by the lure of fame. It's probably not the story Moore would have told, but I'm really enjoying it.

As always, the artwork by Cooke and colorist Phil Noto is stunningly superb. Cooke interspersed this issue with panels of the Minutemen comic (which paid homage to the classic All-Star Comics #3). Cooke's attention to detail is impressive as he not only perfectly imitated the writing style of those 1940s comics, but also the crude artwork. This whole series has been so great, it really makes me wish DC had given Cooke the time and space to flesh this story out to 12 issues.

Thursday, May 23, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1989


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 27, 1989 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1988-89 season was a bizarre one for the Utah Jazz. Head coach Frank Layden abruptly retired after just 17 games, kickstarting Jerry Sloan's incredibly long run with the franchise. Joining John Stockton and Karl Malone in the All-Star Game (for the first and only time of his career) was Mark Eaton, who also won his second and final Defensive Player of the Year trophy. And Thurl Bailey finished second in voting for Sixth Man of the Year (losing to Phoenix's Eddie Johnson). The Jazz went 51-31 and won the Midwest Division for the second time in franchise history. But then disaster struck in the playoffs. Utah wasn't just upset by Golden State — it was a downright embarrassing sweep. No one on the Jazz could slow down Chris Mullin or Mitch Richmond.

The draft:

Seeking to fill Utah's immediate need at shooting guard/small forward, Scott Layden used the 21st pick on East Carolina swingman Blue Edwards.

With the 48th pick, the Jazz drafted a point guard from South Alabama named Junie Lewis.

Analysis:

Edwards was a smart pick for the Jazz. Although he wasn't a good enough shooter to be a true shooting guard, his defense and athleticism made him a competent (yet undersized) small forward. He made the All-Rookie Second Team and gave Utah three solid years ... before being inexplicably traded for Jay Humphries. The Jazz later realized the mistake they made and traded Humphries back for Edwards a couple of years later. But by then, Utah already had David Benoit, Bryon Russell and Jamie Watson, so Edwards saw very little playing time during his second stint with the Jazz. He was then promptly scooped up by the Vancouver Grizzlies in the 1995 expansion draft.

Despite the positives Edwards gave the Jazz, there were just enough deficiencies to his game that prevented him from having a longer, more impactful career in Utah. The tough thing is he was the best player available at his position. So I'm going to have to sadly tell Layden to try to fill that need through free agency and trades because the best remaining players are all big men. I went back and forth between Vlade Divac and Clifford Robinson, ultimately deciding that Robinson would provide the most versatility for Utah. A one-time All-Star, Sixth Man of the Year and two-time All-Defensive Second Team member, Robinson would have filled that Thurl Bailey role quite nicely with the added bonus of better defense and some 3-point shooting. 

Picking a backup for Stockton in the second round was a good idea, but Utah drafted the wrong point guard. Lewis never played in the NBA. But Boise State's Chris Childs did. After a lengthy stint in the minor leagues (and a trip to a rehab facility to combat his alcoholism), Childs eventually worked his way into the NBA and had a nice nine-year career punctuated by his tough defense and 3-point shooting. I have no idea how his career would have turned out had he been drafted by the Jazz, but I want to take that risk anyway.

My advice:

1. Use the 21st pick on Clifford Robinson.
2. Use the 48th pick on Chris Childs.

It felt a little strange looking at replacements for Eaton and Bailey right after they had such strong seasons. But I know both of them began to sharply decline once the '90s hit. And I think the versatile Robinson could help relieve both of those aging big men ... assuming he's able to find cannabis as readily available in Salt Lake City as he was in Portland. Hmmm ... on second thought, maybe I should have gone with Divac ...

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

Before Watchmen: What to do with Dr. Manhattan?


Well, I've finally come to the last miniseries about the main Watchmen characters. Dr. Manhattan may be the hardest character to write, but he does offer the most possibilities for some truly bizarre, fascinating stories. Unfortunately, J. Michael Straczynski was chosen to handle this miniseries. Fortunately, he was paired with Adam Hughes, who provided some very nice interior art. His cover is fine, but nothing special.


The Paul Pope variant cover isn't particularly pleasant. I like the concept, but not the execution. Dr. Manhattan just looks too squiggly and off model for me.


Jim Lee decided to take Dr. Manhattan off model in the completely opposite way. He's now a humorously huge body builder, reminding me of how Arnold Schwarzenegger was almost cast as Dr. Manhattan. It astounds me how ridiculously bad Lee's variants were for this project.

The problem with trying to write a prequel about Dr. Manhattan is that Alan Moore had already covered every aspect of his life — quite thoroughly, in fact. And you can feel Straczynski struggling with that fact for 90% of this issue. But he tries to insert his own bits of originality here and there. We'll see how

He opens with a random funeral — perhaps the funeral of Dr. Manhattan's father, but this isn't confirmed yet — then begins flipping around back and forth through Dr. Manhattan's past. The first flashback is in 1938, where a 9-year-old Jon Osterman is still living in Germany (I had always assumed he had been born in America, but whatever). It's Jon's birthday, and his father has gifted him an ornate clock, which just so happens to look exactly like the clock palace Dr. Manhattan would later build on Mars. I personally find it strange that Dr. Manhattan would recreate an enormous version of his father's gift when the original series made it quite clear that Jon deeply hated his father, but what do I know?

After spending a few pages rehashing things we already know, Straczynski takes us to 1949, where college student Jon Osterman is bizarrely choosing to stay inside and work on a clock instead of going down to the lake with a beautiful girl, who is practically shoving her massive breasts in his face. I find it strange that A) Jon is still working on clocks even after his father forced him to give up that hobby in favor of studying physics and B) notoriously horny Jon would be completely unfazed by this gorgeous woman throwing herself at him. But again, what do I know?

In 1959, Jon begins his new job at the Gila Flats test base. As he tours the facility, he feels a strange sense of déjà vu, somehow remembering when he visited it years later when it was abandoned and he was Dr. Manhattan. This disturbs Dr. Manhattan while he's on Mars, as he can't explain how his past, human self could have sensed his future, super-powered self. 

He thinks about how his choices may have changed the future, which brings us to the infamous Crimebusters meeting of 1966. Once again, Straczynski plays out the incredibly stupid moment of Captain Metropolis trying to split the heroes into pairs and Dr. Manhattan changing Rorschach's paper to Silk Spectre's. Dr. Manhattan even briefly considers two different possibilities where (assuming the Crimbebusters meeting went well) he gets to fight crime alongside either Rorschach or Silk Spectre. Of course, in the case of Laurie, he spends more time kissing her and less time blowing up criminals.

Straczynski then spends several pages blatantly contradicting the original series. Dr. Manhattan tells Janey Slater he loves her and instead of admitting to himself that was a lie, he now tells himself that statement was true, but "utterly beside the point." Later, we see Jon's father having a breakdown upon learning of his son's death. And even though Moore made it quite clear that Dr. Manhattan hated his father and never made any attempts to let him know he'd survived, Straczynski decided to have Dr. Manhattan visit his dad on his death bed. Jon's dad was too delirious to acknowledge his son, so I guess nothing technically changed, but it still really bugs me.

Anyway, Straczynski finally gets around to doing something interesting. Dr. Manhattan realizes that he can slide up and down his timeline from the moment of his creation to the future, but he's never tried to take himself to any point of time before he became Dr. Manhattan. Until now. He arrives unseen at Gila Flats, just moments before the fateful accident. But this time, Jon safely retrieves his coat and calmly exits the testing chamber long before the door is sealed shut. And an astonished Dr. Manhattan is completely stumped by this development.

Well, it was rough getting there, but I genuinely enjoyed the ending. It's just a shame that everything that preceded it was either a pointless rehash or a direct contradiction of what Moore had done. I get it, writing a prequel about Dr. Manhattan is hard, and probably never should have been attempted in the first place. But if you're going to insist on publishing a miniseries about him, then please find a writer more suited to the job.

Thursday, May 9, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1990


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 27, 1990 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

Thanks to the phenomenal play of Karl Malone and John Stockton, the 1989-90 Jazz won 55 games in the regular season. Unfortunately, they were stunned in the first round of the playoffs, losing to Phoenix in Game 5 off a last-second shot by Kevin Johnson. Utah's biggest weakness was quite obvious to general manager Scott Layden: shooting guard. Darrell Griffith was on his last legs and Bobby Hansen ... just wasn't that good. So instead of trying to solve this problem through the draft, Layden sought an immediate upgrade by trading for two-time All-Star Jeff Malone. 

The three-team trade was completed two days before the draft, and saw Utah sending Hansen, Eric Leckner, and both their 1990 draft picks to Sacramento in exchange for the Kings' second-round pick and Jeff Malone from Washington. It wasn't a bad trade, but it didn't help as much as the Jazz wanted. Regardless, the witch's curse prevents me from undoing that trade, so I'm left to work with Utah's single second-round pick in this draft.

The draft:

Sacramento's second-round pick ended up being No. 33 overall, which Utah used on Dartmouth big man Walter Palmer.

Analysis:

Palmer only played 28 games for Utah before heading over to Germany for a year. He returned to the NBA, but only lasted 20 more games with Dallas. So it's not going to be too hard to find an upgrade here — in fact, I luckily have two All-Stars to choose from.

One tempting candidate is Cedric Ceballos, who may have been a nice upgrade over Blue Edwards — at least on the offensive end. But I'm much more intrigued by Antonio Davis. Every team could use another strong rebounder/defender on their roster, especially the Jazz, who were dealing with an aging Mark Eaton and Thurl Bailey. Davis did spend a couple of seasons playing overseas before joining the Pacers, and I think that'd be just fine for Utah. Let him develop for a bit, then bring him over when you really need him.

My advice:

1. Use the 33rd pick on Antonio Davis.

Davis may have been a bit undersized, but he and Dale Davis formed one of the most toughest frontcourts in the late '90s. And by the early 2000s (when Antonio became an All-Star) a few key rule changes would greatly benefit the under-seven-foot big men of the league. I do feel slightly bad for making the Jazz wait longer with this pick, but I'd tell Scott Layden he had the right mindset by trying to win now with Stockton and Malone in their primes. I'm giving him the best player available in this draft — he should focus on making some more trades to bolster the roster with veterans.

Thursday, April 18, 2024

Before Watchmen: The beautiful brutality of Rorschach


I'm not sure if there was any particular reason why DC didn't include Rorschach in their first wave of Before Watchmen comics. He is the most popular character from this batch — especially after the Zack Snyder movie. Maybe DC was banking on Rorschach's popularity to renew interest in this project two months in. Whatever the reason may be, we're finally starting the four-issue miniseries by Brian Azzarello and Lee Bermejo.

This cover by Bermejo is stunningly beautiful. I think almost any other artist would make me roll my eyes at the prospect of a Rorschach within a Rorschach within a Rorschach. But Bermejo's brutally realistic style pulls off this gimmick perfectly. I suppose if you have enough sincerity and skill, you can turn an otherwise silly gimmick into a work of art.


Jim Steranko certainly tried to make his variant a work of art. But ... it just doesn't work for me. The Before Watchmen logo unfortunately obscures the crumbling Doomsday Clock and I think he went too far with the dogs. Rorschach provides so many fun artistic opportunities, and I don't think Steranko took advantage of them.


Jim Lee also didn't take advantage of Rorschach's artistic opportunities. The inkblots on Rorschach's mask are bizarrely thin and straight. They look like little cuts and slashes in a pure white mask. It's almost like Lee has never read Watchmen and doesn't understand Rorschach at all.

One of the stranger choices with this comic was the decision to have Rorschach's journal be typed on a typewriter instead of handwritten. Maybe they thought letterer Rob Leigh wouldn't be able to replicate Dave Gibbons' handwriting? They also clumsily tried to insert a few errors to make it look like a realistic typewritten journal, but Azzarello and company aren't nearly as skilled at this as Alan Moore was. There aren't enough mistakes in the text and they all seem to be the same mistake — misspelling the word "what."

Anyway, this story takes place in 1977, which is an interesting era to explore. Nite Owl, Silk Spectre and Ozymandias have retired, and Dr. Manhattan and the Comedian are working for the United States government. Rorschach is bitterly waging his one-man war against the underbelly of New York. After he recounts a tale of receiving frostbite as a child (due to him avoiding his prostitute mother), Rorschach violently assaults a man masturbating in an adult movie store. The man is apparently a drug dealer and Rorschach breaks his arm to find out where the drugs are.

The dealer says his supplier uses a secret tunnel in the sewers, and Rorschach spends the next five days wading through sewage before he learns too late that he has fallen into an elaborate trap. Rorschach is jumped by a gang and comes face-to-face with their leader, a large man covered in scars, who only introduces himself as "Crime." He belittles Rorschach, then forbids his men from removing his mask, saying, "the mask makes the corpse." 

Oddly, this "Crime" fellow chooses to not kill Rorschach, merely settling for beating him up real good and walking away. Rorschach crawls out of the sewers and breaks into a drug store to steal some medicine. In the morning, he visits a diner as Walter Kovacs and tells the waitress he was mugged. Walter is oddly talkative as he reads the newspaper's account of a murderer known as "The Bard," who has killed another woman and carved a cryptic message into her corpse. (This is being investigated by the two underutilized detectives who opened Watchmen #1.)


I'm glad this wasn't merely a rehashing of Rorschach's origin — Moore gave us enough of that in the main series. This is just a nice adventure from that overlooked decade in the Watchmen chronology. I especially like how Rorschach fell so easily into that trap. He's not a good detective and Azzarello knows that. Bermejo's art is perfect for a comic that seeks to turn up the violence to 11. But I find myself worrying that this art might be too perfect. The biggest problem with Rorschach is that he's supposed to be a repulsive character, warning the audience of how dangerous and unhinged vigilante superheroes can become. But too many people just see him as this cool tough guy who doesn't play by the rules and gets results. Zack Snyder unfortunately made Rorschach look as cool as possible. And Bermejo and Azzarello are in danger of doing that, too.

Thursday, April 4, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1991


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 26, 1991 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

Bolstered by the addition of Jeff Malone, Utah went 54-28 in 1990-91 and reached the second round of the playoffs. The Jazz were crushed by Portland in five games, perhaps because their truly dreadful bench forced them to rely too much on the aging Mark Eaton and Thurl Bailey.

The draft:

With the 21st pick, the Jazz drafted Providence point guard Eric Murdock.

Utah then used the 48th pick on a center from Arizona State named Isaac Austin.

Analysis:

The Jazz front office was very excited to nab Murdock. He was the all-time NCAA career steals leader, and assistant coach Gordon Chiesa had briefly coached him at Providence. But Murdock played sparingly for Utah, only appearing in 50 games in his rookie season before he was traded to Milwaukee alongside Blue Edwards and a first-round pick. I get that the Jazz shifted to a win-now mentality after reaching the Western Conference Finals, but it still astounds me that they so willingly parted with a rookie and a first-round pick just to get rid of Edwards. Anyway, Murdock flourished with the Bucks. He was immediately named the started and finished second in voting for Most Improved Player of the Year (losing to Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf). Murdock had a couple of good years for Milwaukee until he sustained an eye injury that he never seemed to fully recover from. Still, he lasted nine years in the NBA as a solid backup point guard.

I think the Jazz gave up too soon on Murdock. However, I think they could have drafted someone better who would have made a bigger impact right away — Rick Fox. He had a 13-year career split between the Celtics and Lakers, shining especially during L.A.'s three-peat of the early 2000s. He was a pretty good defender, but was mostly known for his shooting, which would have helped Utah tremendously.

Austin, much like Luther Wright, was a big man who struggled with his weight. The Jazz apparently put incentives in his contract to stay down at 275 pounds, but he rarely hit that mark and didn't get much playing time before Utah finally cut him after two unproductive years. But the best part of his stint with the Jazz was Karl Malone. The two became close friends and Malone personally helped Austin lose 40 pounds in 40 days after he fell out of the NBA with a weight of 340 pounds. In 1996, Austin signed with Miami, ending his two seasons abroad. To the surprise of everyone, Austin was in terrific shape and finally living up to his potential. He was named Most Improved Player of the Year and enjoyed three more very solid seasons in the NBA before eventually slowing down and petering out in 2002. Curiously, he never lasted longer than two years anywhere, even during his peak.

It is nice that Karl Malone helped Austin turn his career around, but that came too late to help the Jazz. So I'm going to suggest Utah draft someone else. Since I passed on Murdock, I'll take a different point guard — Darrell Armstrong. He started his career in the minor leagues and slowly worked his way up the Orlando depth chart. Armstrong had a breakout year in 1999, winning both the Most Improved Player and Sixth Man of the Year trophies. A fierce defender and solid shooter, I think he would have excelled for the Jazz (as long as they don't get impatient and trade him away too soon).

My advice:

1. Use the 21st pick on Rick Fox.
2. Use the 48th pick on Darrell Armstrong.

I'm sad I wasn't able to find a good big man for the Jazz this year, but I think Fox and Armstrong would have been great additions. I suppose I should also note that Utah signed undrafted rookie David Benoit during the 1991 offseason. He became a fairly important player for the Jazz until he tore his Achilles in 1996. He wasn't bad, but he wasn't great, either. I think Fox would have been a substantial upgrade.

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Before Watchmen: Ozymandias quickly moves on


I think one of the appeals of Before Watchmen for many creators was the chance to do things that they'd never be able to get away with on an ordinary DC book. This cover is a prime example of that. It goes a bit too far for my personal tastes. Plus, it's incredibly misleading. Nothing remotely like this happens in this issue. We do see several women almost dressed like this, sort of. But that's where the similarities end.


I love this Phil Noto variant. It's an ad for Veidt Industries that showcases his charismatic, flamboyant CEO side, while simultaneously drawing allusions to his bisexuality. It's a simple, neat and tidy cover that manages to be sexual without resorting to the base overtness of Jae Lee's.

Our story resumes on Oct. 11, 1985, with Adrian resuming the recording of his autobiography while exercising with Bubastis. Last issue, he told us that dirty drugs killed his girlfriend, which I took to mean that the drugs had been tainted somehow. But this issue, Adrian describes her death merely as an accidental overdose. I guess the word "dirty" was just a generic descriptor.

Adrian recounts how it took four days for him to learn where those drugs came from, and Len Wein goes into intricate — exceedingly boring — detail about Ozymandias interrogating random thugs and trailing others through the streets and eavesdropping on conversations in fancy clubs. It gets rather exhausting. One note of minor interest, though, is the complete lack of Moloch in this issue, despite his rather imposing presence in Ozymandias #1. All we get of him here, is a brief mention in passing about how he's taken an "extended vacation." And Ozymandias oddly seems content with apprehending the drug dealers allegedly working beneath Moloch and leaving it at that.

The climax of this issue is Ozymandias' raid on the drug dealers' warehouse. This is also, unfortunately, the part where Lee's artwork hurts the story the most. For starters, the man in charge of the operation is described as "a grotesquely fat man in a pristine suit." But we never actually see his fat body or his suit — just oblique shadows from a distance and the occasional uncomfortable close-ups. Is Lee just really bad at drawing fat people and decided to hide it as much as he could?

Even worse, though, is Lee's inability to stage a satisfying action sequence. He tried something unique with a two-page spread of a small, black silhouette of Ozymandias flipping around against a yellow background. But I found it underwhelming. It certainly didn't help matters that Wein oddly decided to have Ozymandias toss his headband around like Wonder Woman's tiara. Apart from that one spread, it really felt like Lee was doing everything he could to avoid having to actually draw the main character in motion. This is bad for any comic book, but it's especially heartbreaking for Ozymandias. His fight scenes in the original series were the most breathtaking, fluid and beautiful sequences of action Dave Gibbons could provide. What a shame that we ended up with perhaps the absolute worst artist for this miniseries.

And Wein's not off the hook, either. He's now fully moved on past the massive monologues of Alan Moore, and it shows. Some of his dialogue is either accidentally bad, or is intentionally so in order to make us doubt Adrian's reliability as a narrator. For example, Adrian recounts how time "literally stopped" right before he took on the drug dealers. Not figuratively — literally. Look, I know Ozymandias has near-superhuman abilities, but he's not that good. He can't actually freeze time! Right?

Anyway, that one outing was apparently enough to satisfy Adrian's need to avenge the death of his girlfriend, and he quickly moves on to the fun and thrilling life of a costumed vigilante. After taking down a handful of random, gimmicky criminals, Adrian begins to consider the long-term effects of this lifestyle. This prompts him to investigate the history of the Minutemen, and he's instantly drawn to the mystery of Hooded Justice's disappearance. He eventually investigates the pier where the Hooded Justice was last seen, but he's promptly attacked by the Comedian.



Well, it sure was nice of Wein to give Adrian a girlfriend so she could immediately be killed and forgot about even quicker. This whole issue was such an enormous letdown — so much potential just flushed down the toilet. With the exception of Minutemen #2, all the second issues of this first wave were a disappointment. I'm not sure how that happened. Was it because all these writers really didn't have enough story for a full miniseries?

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1992


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 24, 1992 – Memorial Coliseum, Portland, Oregon

Previous season:

The Jazz got off to a slightly rocky start to the 1991-92 season. They were 7-6 until they abruptly traded longtime sixth man Thurl Bailey and their 1992 second-round pick to Minnesota for Tyrone Corbin. That turned out to be exactly what Utah needed, as Bailey was on the decline and Corbin was still in his prime. The Jazz finished the season at 55-27 and, more importantly, reached the Western Conference Finals for the first time in franchise history. Utah ultimately lost to Portland in six games, and the Blazers went on to lose to Chicago in six games, as well. But still, it was a massive achievement for the Jazz, and general manager Scott Layden wanted to build on this momentum and maximize the sweet prime years of John Stockton and Karl Malone.

The draft:

Layden pulled off another surprising trade, this time on Draft Day, sending the 23rd pick, Blue Edwards and Eric Murdock to Milwaukee for Jay Humphries and Larry Krystkowiak. The Bucks used the pick on Lee Mayberry.

Utah's second-round pick ended up being No. 51, which the Timberwolves used on Tim Burroughs. Layden didn't try to acquire any other picks for this draft, making this the first year during my witch's curse where the Jazz didn't actually draft someone. But I think I can change that.

Analysis:

Due to the nature of the curse, I'm unable to prevent the Bailey-Corbin trade from happening. (And I probably wouldn't stop it even if I could. It just made too much sense.) However, I think I can stop the Edwards-Humphries trade. It really was quite baffling that Utah made that deal in the first place. Edwards was a fan favorite who excelled at dunking and defending. He started 81 games at small forward, but he was a bit undersized at 6-foot-4. However, his relationship with coach Jerry Sloan deteriorated by the end of the season and Edwards lost his starting job in the playoffs to rookie David Benoit. So maybe moving him was ultimately in the best interests of the team.

However, I don't think Layden made the right trade by a long shot. It is understandable to want veteran backups for Stockton and Malone, but Humphries and Krystkowiak really didn't deliver. Krystkowiak only spent one mediocre season in Utah, while Humphries limped along for two and a half years before being traded for — get this — Blue Edwards! That was completely Utah's way of acknowledging that they messed up this trade. And we can't forget Eric Murdock, either. The rookie point guard actually went on to have a fairly decent career, finishing second in Most Improved Player voting in his first season out of Utah. So yeah, I'm killing that trade and keeping the 23rd pick.

The Jazz didn't miss anything with Mayberry. He had a quiet six-year career as a permanent backup on some pretty bad Milwaukee and Vancouver teams. The guy drafted right after Mayberry did turn out to be an All-Star, but I don't think Latrell Sprewell would have done too well in Utah. In fact, I'd say there's a good chance Sloan would have straight-up murdered Sprewell with his bare hands. So instead, I'm going to go with a much calmer individual with P.J. Brown. And I'm not doing that just because he won both the Citizenship Award and Sportsmanship Award. He was named to the All-Defensive Second Team three times in his 15-year career and would have helped fill the void left by Thurl Bailey (albeit with less offensive prowess).

My advice:

1. Keep the 23rd pick and use it on P.J. Brown.

I don't know if I would have traded Blue Edwards. But I certainly know I wouldn't have traded him away with a promising rookie AND a first-round pick for two washed-up veterans who would just come off the bench. I appreciate the win-now mentality, but you can't completely forsake the future. I think P.J. Brown could have done quite well in Utah.

Sunday, March 31, 2024

Before Watchmen: In the shadows of Rorschach


I surprised myself by having some kind words for the cover of Nite Owl #1. But I genuinely appreciated how the image looked cool like Batman at first glance, but then became rather silly the more you examined it. The same can be said for this joint pose of Nite Owl and Rorschach. You might initially think this was a neat, brooding cover, but if you look closer, you'll see just how awkward and unnatural both the characters are. And I think — at least I hope — that this was intentional. As the story will soon reveal, that whip actually belonged to a prostitute. I don't want to get too graphic here, but it looks like Nite Owl is getting a bit aroused by this and Rorschach is acting really stiff and uncomfortable. Maybe that's just me reading too much into it, but that's what I see. I also don't think it's a coincidence that Rorschach is looming over Nite Owl here. I'll get more into that later.


David Finch's variant doesn't do much for me. It's quite stiff and dull. I suppose Nite Owl's control stick is rather phallic, which would fit in more with this story's sexual nature. But I don't think Rorschach is making the right pose if that's what Finch was going for. Rorschach appears quite relaxed and even approving, which doesn't work for this potentially sexual innuendo. Neither does Nite Owl's expression. Maybe if he looked a little bit happier? Oh well, let's move on.

Our story begins with Nite Owl and Rorschach chasing a couple of criminals down an alleyway. The criminals split up, giving Rorschach a chance to comment on Nite Owl's left-leaning politics. Rorschach pursues his criminal to the right, while Nite Owl heads left. To his surprise, this takes him into a room where a nude prostitute has been working with a bound-and-gagged client. Equally surprising was how the prostitute knocked out the criminal cold.

She can tell Nite Owl is attracted to her, so she begins playfully flirting with him until Rorschach enters the room. He immediately calls her a whore and tries to attack the woman. Nite Owl defends her, actually throwing Rorschach across the room to get him to stop. He tries to apologize to his partner, but Rorschach brushes him off and leaves with the insinuation that Nite Owl will soon be one of the prostitute's clients.

The comic then takes an unexpected detour in Rorschach's life. He plops down in front of the TV, eating cold beans straight out of the can. A commercial for bras disturbs him, reminding him of his mother forcing him out of their apartment while she worked as a prostitute. And, yes, even as a child, he ate cold beans straight from the can. 

Deep sigh!

I really hate it when writers make too big a deal out of something inconsequential — especially when they're inflating a detail from someone else's work. I had thought that Alan Moore was merely showing us Rorschach eating the beans because he was too hungry and insane to worry about comfort or hygiene. But that wasn't good enough for J. Michael Straczynski. No, the cans of beans needed a special significance. They remind Rorschach of his tortured childhood, a kind of perverse form of comfort food. OK, now that I'm done rolling my eyes, we can get back to the story.

Dan visits Hollis, who tells him the woman he met is actually the Twilight Lady, and he warns Dan to stay far away from her to preserve Nite Owl's reputation as a kid-friendly hero. Hollis bitterly says that you can't do anything "that might make you realize that an awful lot of your life was just a lie."

The next night, Rorschach doesn't join Nite Owl on patrol, as Walter Kovacs is attending a church meeting. The pastor likes to wave around a big sign that says "The End is Nigh" because, you know, there's no possible way for Rorschach to have come up with that sign all by himself. Anyway, the pastor's message is to "get louder" to compete with the sins of the world, and it resonates strongly with Walter, inspiring him to resume his activities as Rorschach.

He follows Nite Owl to the scene of a homicide. The police officer present is surprised to see Nite Owl there, as the victim was allegedly a prostitute. But Nite Owl takes a special interest in this case, as the victim's old bruises remind him of his mother being frequently beaten by her husband. Nite Owl quickly becomes irritated by the lack of concern shown by both the police officer and the landlord. Rorschach walks in, saying their attitude is unfortunately too common in cases like this. He shares the story of Kitty Genovese, the woman who was allegedly attacked for over an hour in front of 38 neighbors, who refused to call the police.

Rorschach's story fails to change the attitudes of the cop or the landlord, so Rorschach and Nite Owl leave the apartment. They quickly reconcile and Rorschach claims the Genovese story was what inspired him to become a superhero (a claim that would later be debunked by Malcolm Long).

We then get an extended flashback of Dan as a child. Apparently he got beaten up on a near-daily basis by schoolyard bullies because ... I don't know, he was a dweeb? Anyway, Dan's father was infuriated by his weakling son constantly being beaten, so Dan's mom taught him how to conceal his bruises with makeup and, more importantly, how to psychologically distance himself from the pain. She tells him to find something special to hold onto, a place deep inside himself where nobody can hurt him. Inspired by the news reports about Nite Owl, Dan bought a 50-cent mask and wore it to confront his bullies. They still beat the snot out of him, but now he's gained a sort of moral victory by refusing to outright surrender to them. I guess.

And then we bizarrely get a separate flashback of young Dan telling his mom one night that he overheard her and his dad talking about how they only got married because she was pregnant and there was a "disagreement" over what to do with the baby. But Dan couldn't tell which parent wanted to keep him, so he asked his mom point-blank who it was. She refuses to answer, only saying "it doesn't matter anymore."

We finally cut back to the present, where Nite Owl is remembering those words from his mom and the police officer saying "one more dead slut doesn't matter." He vows to himself that it does matter, so he pays a visit to the Twilight Lady.

Ugh!

Straczynski is driving me crazy! He clearly wishes he could have been writing a Rorschach comic instead. And I don't blame him — Rorschach is a much more compelling character than Nite Owl. But this is the one and only comic book miniseries dedicated to Nite Owl's origins, and Straczynski should have embraced the unique aspects of Nite Owl's character. Instead, he decided to make Nite Owl a watered-down version of Rorschach, complete with his own harrowing childhood overflowing with unnecessary melodrama. And when Straczynski wasn't doing that, he was sloppily retreading Rorschach's origin. I can't believe that the editors didn't step in and say, "Hey, leave the Rorschach stuff for Brian Azzarello — he's handling that miniseries."

Monday, March 25, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1993


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 30, 1993 – The Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, Michigan

Previous season:

John Stockton and Karl Malone were insanely good at this time period. Both were members of the Dream Team of the 1992 Olympics and were fittingly crowned co-All-Star Game MVPs in Salt Lake City in 1993. Unfortunately, their supporting cast wasn't too great. The Jazz had to rely too much on Jeff Malone, Tyrone Corbin, and Jay Humphries. General manager Scott Layden would eventually upgrade each of those players through trades, but that would take a while. In the meantime, Utah's biggest weakness was at center. Longtime stalwart Mark Eaton had finally reached the end of his career and his primary backup, Mike Brown, was equally ineffective. As such, the Jazz went 47-35 in 1992-93 and were knocked out of the first round of the playoffs by Seattle in five games.

The draft:

Utah used the 18th pick on a center from Seton Hall named Luther Wright.

With the 45th pick, the Jazz drafted Bryon Russell, a small forward from Long Beach State.

Analysis:

Wright was one of the most disappointing draft picks in Jazz history. He showed up to training camp 55 pounds above his listed playing weight and only appeared in 15 during the 1993-94 season. In January 1994, he was found by the police at a truck stop at 4 a.m., smashing car windows and banging on trash cans. He was sent to a mental institution, diagnosed with bipolar disorder and his NBA career came to a tragically short end. To their credit, the Jazz agreed to pay out the remainder of his $5 million in small installments over the next 25 years. Unfortunately, that money didn't actually help Wright. He wasted much of it on drugs and spent several stints living homeless, contracting diseases that required him to have toes amputated. All in all, a very, very sad story. I almost feel bad recommending the Jazz draft someone else, but it's not their job to help someone like this. And they were poorly equipped to helping him anyway. There's no way to prevent the tragedy of Luther Wright.

Replacing Wright was surprisingly difficult for me. I have two All-Star point guards available to me — Sam Cassell and Nick Van Exel. Stockton didn't need an incredible backup and it's far too soon to start thinking about a replacement for him. But Cassell really tempts me because I think he could have thrived in that Humphries role of backing up Stockton and occasionally starting alongside him in smaller lineups. It certainly is an intriguing prospect, but I just can't bring myself to pull the trigger on it. The Jazz desperately needed a center. This is the '90s, where the only teams that won either had a dominant center (like Hakeem Olajuwon) or a halfway decent center (like Bill Cartwright). I can't risk messing up Stockton and Malone's prime with wild experiments — I have to take the sure thing, no matter how boring it is. And that pick is Ervin Johnson. He played 13 years in the NBA and was a fairly decent rebounder and shot-blocker. Definitely not a flashy player by any means, but seemly dependable and reliable enough to solidify Utah's biggest weakness in their lineup.

Utah's second-round pick, however, was a lot easier for me. Russell was one of the best picks in Jazz history. He filled an immediate need during his rookie season, and just a couple of years later became an indispensable member of the team. It really is hard imagining the late-90s Jazz without Russell. Granted, I always wished he could have been just a little bit better, but beggars can't be choosers this late in the draft. There's no one better available, so for better and worse, I'm sticking with High-Flyin' Bryon.

My advice:

1. Use the 18th pick on Ervin Johnson.
2. Use the 45th pick on Bryon Russell.

I'm still debating picking Johnson over Cassell. Part of me says I should just draft the best player available and let Layden work it all out through trades. But trades can be fickle things and I want to maximize the potential of two Dream Teamers in their prime. Sadly, I'll never know if playing it safe was the right call. I'm being pulled back to 1992, where I get to do this all over again.

Friday, March 22, 2024

Before Watchmen: Time for a Vietnam comic


J.G. Jones really is a terrific cover artist, and I unabashedly love this one. Some people might think it's cheesy to have the blood trail perfectly in the shape of Vietnam, but it works for me. Vietnam was one of the darker chapter in the Comedian's life, and perhaps his biggest regret. During his drunken confessional with Moloch, Eddie Blake hinted at even worse deeds he committed than killing the woman pregnant with his child. So this cover actually gets me excited to explore this era.


Tim Bradstreet's variant is an even more beautiful work of art. I love the black-and-white on yellow. It's edgy and moody and grabs my attention right away. True, it doesn't give any indication of what the story inside is going to be about, but that's not the purpose of a variant cover. An odd, but intriguing choice is swapping out the Comedian's trademark smiley face button for Dr. Manhattan's symbol. There is potential for an interesting story there — perhaps Eddie was originally a fan of Dr. Manhattan, only to learn the hard way just how devoid of empathy the world's most powerful being is. Sadly, that story is not in this issue.

Looking for an excuse to throw in more real-life celebrity cameos, Brian Azzarello opens this issue at the boxing match between Sonny Liston and Cassius Clay (later to be known as Muhammad Ali). Eddie has ringside tickets with Robert Kennedy, who has oddly chosen this extremely public and noisy setting to discuss his upcoming Senate run. Eddie tells Robert he's been asked to go to Vietnam, but Robert advises him to avoid it.

Naturally, Eddie ignores his friend's advice and gleefully starts butchering enemy troops as soon as he gets the chance. Azzarello then diverts into a lengthy, generic Vietnam War tale that really doesn't seem to have anything to do with the Comedian or Watchmen at all. We're introduced to a handful of commanding officers who are frustrated by their lack of resources. They realize the only way to win this conflict is to enlist the aid of local sympathizers, but they need some cash to actually arm those locals. So they enlist the aid of a drug dealer, helping him sell drugs to America, which in turn funds their off-the-books war activities.

It's all ... fine, I guess. If you're in the mood for a comic about Vietnam. But that's not what I was looking for. I wanted a story about the Comedian, taking place in the unique universe of Watchmen. There's absolutely nothing in this story that couldn't have happened in any other story or movie about the Vietnam War. There's nothing the Comedian does that couldn't have been done by any other run-of-the-mill anti-hero who plays by his own rules.

I'm fine if Azzarello and Jones wanted to make a comic like this. But that should have been a separate series under the Vertigo label — not disguised as a Watchmen comic. This issue is not only disappointing, but it's a little insulting.

Thursday, March 21, 2024

Redrafting the Jazz: 1994


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 29, 1994 – Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis

Previous season:

The Jazz went 53-29 in 1993-94, but by far the most significant moment of the season came at the trade deadline. Utah traded Jeff Malone and a first-round pick to Philadelphia for Jeff Hornacek, Sean Green (who was waived after playing just one minute for the Jazz) and a second-round pick (which was later packaged in a trade for Blue Edwards). This was one of those rare franchise-altering trades. Hornacek proved to be the perfect compliment to John Stockton and Karl Malone, not only in skillset, but also in temperament and attitude. He really was the missing piece that helped lead Utah to the Finals ... eventually. The Jazz did reach the Western Conference Finals in 1994 — mostly due to Denver having dramatically upset the league-leading Sonics in the first round. Utah was crushed by the eventual champion Rockets in five games.

The draft:

Due to to the aforementioned Hornacek trade, Utah didn't have a first-round pick. Philadelphia used the 20th pick on B.J. Tyler, whose career bizarrely ended after just one year because he apparently fell asleep with an ice pack on his ankle, which caused him severe nerve damage.

The Jazz did have their second-round pick (No. 47), which they used on a small forward from South Carolina named Jamie Watson.

Analysis:

Utah certainly had a weakness at small forward, splitting time between Tyrone Corbin, David Benoit and a young Bryon Russell. But Watson didn't really help much. He played sparingly for the Jazz for two-and-a-half seasons before being waived. He tried to revitalize his NBA career with Dallas and Miami, but it just didn't work out. Unfortunately, there aren't many decent options for me here. My best recommendation is point guard Anthony Goldwire. He was constantly in and out of the league — ultimately playing 266 games for nine different teams, interspersed with trips to Spain, Greece and Italy. But he seemed to be a fairly decent shooter and, I don't know, he might have been a halfway decent third-string point guard for the Jazz.

My advice:

1. Use the 47th pick on Anthony Goldwire.

Some years, there's just really nothing I can do to help. That's the limitations of my witch's curse. So I'll just shrug my shoulders and start preparing for 1993.

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Before Watchmen: The sex, drugs and rock 'n roll of Silk Spectre


Once again, I'm a bit underwhelmed by Amanda Conner's cover. It's funny that her covers are done in such a different style from her interior artwork. I'm not the biggest fan of that, either, but at least it's clean and consistent. This symbolic, slightly psychedelic look doesn't work for me.


The variant cover by Josh Middleton is more successful, in my opinion. Despite its simplicity, it is rather hypnotic and quite erotic. So erotic, in fact, that I'm actually surprised DC allowed this to print. I'm glad they did, though, because this perfectly fits in with the more taboo themes of this comic.

This issue is narrated by Laurie writing a letter to Hollis Mason, whom she affectionately refers to as her "uncle." I'm a little surprised she has such a close relationship with him, especially since Sally went to great lengths to keep Laurie away from Hollis' tell-all book. I guess Conner and Darwyn Cooke really needed Laurie to have a parental figure through which she could indirectly tell her mom she's alright.

Anyway, Laurie and Greg have moved into a large, rundown home in San Francisco with a bunch of hippies. They both got small jobs, but mostly spend their time having sex and experimenting with art, music and drugs. Laurie loves her new life so much, that she feels compelled to protect it. Reports of violence against some of her fellow hippies inspires Laurie to suit up as Silk Spectre. She battles a knockoff Royal Flush gang and learns that their leader's name is Gurustein.

Unfortunately, Gurustein's master plan is pretty convoluted and silly. At a secret meeting with several top music groups of the '60s — including the Beatles and Rolling Stones — an angry, uptight businessman complains about declining album sales and blames it entirely on hippie culture. So he introduces a scientist named Mr. Owsley, who has developed a liquid that when combined with LSD will give people a strong subconscious desire to buy and consume whenever they hear stereotypical hippie words like peace, love and groovy.

I really have no idea why any of these bands needed to be brought in on this scheme. Couldn't the record label just start distributing this low-key mind control bug on its own? And for that matter, I don't see the purpose of this angry businessman in a suit and tie ranting about hippies. I guess Cooke and Conner really wanted a character to fit that mold, even if he doesn't necessarily advance the plot. In fact, he doesn't even have a name. That's right — Gurustein is actually this guy's boss. But he dresses like a hippie, which enables him to mingle with the youth at parties and personally distribute the drugs ... which were developed by that Owsley character, another guy who probably wasn't completely necessary for this story.

These needless complications thrown into a Saturday-morning villain's plot really bring down this issue. As do the cliché henchmen Silk Spectre has to fight. After the wannabe Royal Flush gang, she next battles a couple of knock-offs straight from Charlie's Angels. But I really do like how Laurie is written here. Instead of becoming lost in her unbridled freedom, she has very quickly learned how to be responsible. She's in a unique position to not only care for her friends when they overdose, but also investigate the forces that are exploiting and killing her friends.

I also appreciated how there were fewer daydreams in this issue. That could be a sign of Laurie starting to grow up, or it could just be Conner saving the really wacky stuff until next issue. This one ended on the cliffhanger of Laurie unwittingly consuming the laced LSD while Greg introduces her to his new friend, Gurustein.