Wednesday, April 1, 2026

Before Watchmen: Dr. Manhattan finally gets interesting!


It's been almost a year since I've touched this blog — but I have a good excuse! I decided to go back to school to get my master's degree, and once that all wrapped up, the limited time I had left to blog was dedicated to catching up on Impulse. It's almost like time is broken, as this issue implies. But first, the cover. This is a fun pulp-style comic by Adam Hughes, which is obviously a play on Dr. Manhattan and the Silk Spectre, and is actually a key part of the story inside. I know I've been gone a long time, but right now, I'm really finding this uniqueness quite refreshing.


The variant cover by P. Craig Russell does not bring that same level of refreshing uniqueness. It just leaves me feeling empty and bland inside. Much like the original interpretation of Dr. Manhattan by Alan Moore. The world's most powerful being was often the most dull character — never using his vast abilities to do anything interesting or explore new possibilities. A character like that works in an ensemble piece, like Watchmen, but it would be fatal for a solo series. Luckily, J. Michael Straczynski used this issue as an opportunity to do something interesting.

Dr. Manhattan has returned to the Gila Flats testing center at 1:15 p.m. on August 20, 1959, to witness the moment he should have been transformed from Jon Osterman to Dr. Manhattan. But this time — much to his astonishment — Jon avoids the accident and safely retrieves Janey Slater's watch. While Dr. Manhattan struggles to comprehend this paradox, Jon is intrigued by a minor mystery of his own: Janey's repaired watch is frozen at 1:15.

Later, Jon takes Janey back to the carnival where her watch was originally smashed. This time, Jon decides to play one of the games, while Janey oddly reminisces about a man named Hank Meadows. Despite being young and healthy, and having avoided smoking, drinking, and even working with the heavy radiation equipment, he suddenly died of cancer. Janey speculates that must have been God's will, because if Hank didn't die, then Jon wouldn't have been hired to replace him, and she would have never met Jon.

Just as she finishes that thought, Jon wins his carnival game and reveals an engagement ring hidden in his prize stuffed bear. Janey accepts Jon's proposal, and as the two of them walk away, the game operator says it's his job to provide the illusion of free will. All the while, Dr. Manhattan keeps watching in silent bewilderment, unseen by anyone else.

We skip ahead to the day of the wedding, where Jon's father is surprisingly there, helping his son get ready. The elder Osterman reveals that he had a dream a year ago where he was told Jon had died. The dream was so real that it took him days to get it out of his head. Jon assures his father that dream will never come true now that he's decided to move to Washington, D.C., to teach physics at Georgetown.

Jon heads down the hall toward his bride-to-be, encountering a small boy reading the comic book that was the cover for this issue. The boy says he wants to be a scientist like Jon so he can go to Mars and see the "blue people." According to his comic book, all the blue people had died off except for one remaining blue man. Jon doubts this is true, but he says the boy may one day get to go to Mars.

And then things get interesting. There are two doors at the end of the hall and Jon calls out to Janey, asking which one she's behind. She tells him to guess, and we see that Jon's seemingly innocuous choice creates vast differences in this world. When he opens the left door, John F. Kennedy taps the Comedian to resolve the Cuban Missile Crisis. But the Comedian's impatient, violent tendencies lead to the U.S. preemptively attacking Russia and launching a nuclear holocaust. But when Jon chooses the right door, Kennedy sent Ozymandias to negotiate with the Russians, and his diplomacy skills preserved the peace. The one constant in both of those realities was that Jon did get married to Janey, but was still unable to fix her watch.

We cut back to Jon opening the door to find Janey putting on the finishing touches to her wedding dress. She coyly suggests that she may have been in both rooms at the same time, but Jon doesn't entertain this notion and leads her down the hall, not noticing that the boy's comic book has now changed to show a mushroom cloud rising behind the U.S. Capitol Building. Janey asks Jon if he would prefer to have the first dance or the last dance of the wedding, and we're treated to more possibilities.

When Jon picks the first dance, President Kennedy is assassinated, Richard Nixon resigns during his second term, and Ronald Reagan advocates for the Berlin Wall to be torn down. But when Jon chooses the last dance, Kennedy survives his assassination attempt and Richard Nixon wins a third term, staying in office long enough to oversee a full-blown nuclear war against Russia. We then get a fun two-page spread showing how reality can be altered by so many insignificant choices made by Jon, such as accidentally pressing the wrong button on the elevator and choosing red wine instead of white at dinner.

We skip ahead to Jon and Janey having dinner with Wally Weaver and Professor Glass. They're discussing the idea of Schrodinger's cat, which involves placing a cat in a box rigged with a device that has a 50% chance of killing the cat. According to quantum physics, this doesn't mean that the cat is either alive or dead while in the box — it means the cat is both alive and dead until it is observed. This mindset is important for studying particles that are only particles while being observed but are waves when you look away. Jon then wonders what happens if you don't open the box. His professor says that the longer the box remains closed, the greater the chance that unanticipated factors could alter the results, creating more random possibilities and pocket universes, each equally real until the moment when the box is finally opened and they all collapse into one reality as perceived by the quantum observer.

Later, Jon is trying once again to fix Janey's watch. He can't understand why it won't work when all the parts seem to be just fine. Janey suggests that maybe the watch isn't broken, but time is. Jon brushes that comment off as a joke and decides to abandon the watch for the time being. But Dr. Manhattan remains behind, considering the possibility that time is broken. As nuclear missiles begin raining down all over the planet, Dr. Manhattan begins to question what he has become and what he has done. And the final panel ends on the infamous Robert Oppenheimer quote: "For I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds."




I normally don't go into that much detail on these Before Watchmen reviews, but I absolutely loved this issue. I haven't read too many Straczynski comics, but they've never impressed me as much as this one has. Maybe I'm just a sucker for alternate worlds and different possibilities, but I think it was presented in a fascinating way, especially with the scientific discussion anchoring everything. This is exactly the kind of story I wanted for Dr. Manhattan.

The Crimson Corsair backup story by John Higgins continues in this issue. It is beautifully illustrated, but still dreadfully boring. For me, anyway. Hopefully the rest of this Before Watchmen series will be good when I get read them. I guess right now, those issues are both simultaneously the most interesting and most dull stories until I open them up.

Wednesday, July 2, 2025

Redrafting the Jazz: 1983


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 28, 1983 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1982-83 season was difficult for the Jazz, but full of promises. An injured wrist cost Adrian Dantley 60 games and two-time All-Star John Drew (recently acquired in the Dominque Wilkins trade) spent half the season in rehab, battling his cocaine addiction. So it's little surprise that Utah was only able to win 30 games. But the young roster had some bright spots. Darrell Griffith and Rickey Green made a formidable backcourt (Green led the league in total steals). And rookie Mark Eaton quickly established himself as one of the best shot-blockers in the NBA.

The draft:

With the seventh pick, Utah selected North Carolina State power forward Thurl Bailey.

The Jazz didn't have a second-round pick this year because they traded it to Dallas in 1980 for Billy McKinney.

In the third round, the Jazz used the 54th pick on a shooting guard from Iowa named Bob Hansen.

The Jazz drafted seven other players, none of whom ever played a single NBA game. But just for fun, here are their names:

76. Doug Arnold, TCU
100. Matt Clark, Oklahoma State
122. Fred Gilliam, Clemson
146. Gerald Kazanowski, Victoria, Canada
168. Michael McCombs, College of Santa Fe
191. Ron Webb, Oklahoma Christian University
211. Odell Mosteller, Auburn

Analysis:

The Jazz desperately needed a power forward (both Dantley and Drew were really small forwards). Utah had two quality power forwards available at the seventh spot — Bailey and Antoine Carr. Of course, Carr would eventually become a major contributor on the Jazz '97 and '98 Finals runs (and my favorite player in my childhood), but the Jazz were really impressed with Bailey's personality. And there is a lot to be said about that.

Bailey ended up being a perfect fit in Utah, becoming a fan favorite and perennial contender for Sixth Man of the Year (although he never won that award). Even after he was surprisingly traded for Tyrone Corbin, Bailey still chose to return to Utah for one last season in 1999 and made the state his permanent home. He even joined Utah's predominant faith, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and he's been a fixture of Jazz broadcasting for years, currently providing color commentary alongside Craig Bolerjack.

This was a good draft pick. BUT! I don't feel good about repeating it. One of the NBA's all-time greats fell to No. 14 in this draft. I know it doesn't make much sense to bring in shooting guard Clyde Drexler when Griffith is still good and young, and the Jazz really, really need a big man, but I don't care! You simply cannot pass on a player who made 10 All-Star games and was named to the NBA's 50th and 75th anniversary teams. I'd simply have to tell the Jazz front office to move some players around and trust me that this would work.

Hansen ended up being the best player taken in the third round by far. He gave the Jazz seven solid seasons, even once receiving votes for Defensive Player of the Year. He's also technically the NBA's career leader for 3-point percentage in the playoffs, but he only made 38 3-pointers, so does it really count? Anyway, he gave the Jazz a lot more than you would normally expect from the third round, so I have no problem drafting him again.

As I said earlier, none of Utah's other picks even played in the NBA. And of the remaining players, there's only one that caught my eye: Sedale Threatt, a West Virginia Tech guard who somehow put together a very successful 14-year NBA career. So I'd grab him in the fourth round and see what happens.

My advice:

1. Use the seventh pick on Clyde Drexler.
2. Use the 54th pick on Bob Hansen.
3. Use the 76th pick on Sedale Threatt.
4. Dealer's choice for the remaining picks!

I know I just added three guards to a team that already has a decent backcourt. But these were the best players available. And who knows? Maybe the Jazz would be able to trade Griffith away for a halfway decent power forward. I'm just having a fun time imagining Clyde the Glide in a Jazz jersey!

Thursday, June 26, 2025

Before Watchmen: Style over substance


Lee Bermejo has once again delivered a stunning cover that fits in nicely with the Watchmen universe. We have a stray splatter of blood in the scrambled eggs reminiscent of the blood on the Comedian's smiley face. And I'm really impressed with Walter's face being reflected in a skull-like pool of blood that also forms a perfect Rorschach ink blot test. Finally — and this is a small thing, but I appreciate it — this cover image serves as the opening panel of the issue, just as Dave Gibbons did on every issue of Watchmen.


The variant cover by Jock is not my cup of tea. But that's OK. Because I am a firm believer in using variant covers to experiment and push the boundaries of how characters can be represented. This is a little too intense and abstract for me, but I appreciate the effort.

The issue opens by revealing that the beautiful plate of breakfast Walter bleed all over was a gift from the diner's waitress, who took pity on him. But Walter refuses to eat and walks out into the street, conveniently spotting a couple of underlings in the drug gang he's trying to take down. Last issue only referred to their boss as "Crime," but in this issue, Rorschach somehow knows his name is Rawhead.

Anyway, Walter conveniently spots a delivery truck that left its doors open and the keys still in the ignition. Even though it's the middle of the day and the street is crowded with witnesses, Walter manages to surreptitiously rig the truck to crash into one of the gangsters and pin him against a wall. The other gangster finds Rorschach's ink blot calling card on the driver's seat, but is unable to free his friend before Walter tosses a Molotov cocktail at the truck without being noticed, causing the entire vehicle to explode.

The surviving gangster reports this to Rawhead, and he criticizes his boss for not only refusing to kill Rorschach when he had the chance, but also failing to at least remove his mask so they could have recognized their nemesis on the street. Rawhead responds by killing this man and feeding him to his pet tiger.

Walter, meanwhile, returned to the diner, but passed out before he could order any food. The kind waitress took him to the hospital, where he apparently spent three days in a coma. Rorschach's amazing luck pays off once again, as this particular hospital was so busy and disorganized that not a single person noticed him waking up, stealing medical supplies and leaving. Remember: He was there for THREE days!

After we get the briefest of glimpses of the detectives searching for the serial killer known as The Bard, a fully healed Rorschach captures a pimp who happens to be one of Rawhead's men. As he begins the interrogation, several other gangsters begin climbing the stairs to rescue their friend. And that's where this issue abruptly ends, because I guess Brian Azzarello thought that was a cliffhanger ending?




This is a masterfully illustrated book. I love Bermejo's art. I'm just sad that it's accompanied with this dull story where nothing meaningful actually happens. And what does happen is bizarrely far-fetched. How many implausible coincidences can keep benefiting Rorschach? Azzarello was given four issues to tell a Rorschach story, but halfway through, he seems to be wasting this character's potential.

Tuesday, April 15, 2025

Redrafting the Jazz: 1984


I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 19, 1984 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

The 1983-84 season was a very exciting time for the Utah Jazz. All-Star Adrian Dantley led the league in scoring and was named to the All-NBA Second Team. Rickey Green was also named an All-Star while leading the league in steals. Darrell Griffith not only made more 3-pointers than anyone else this season, but he also shot the highest percentage from beyond the arc. Mark Eaton led the NBA in blocks and was second behind Sidney Moncrief in voting for Defensive Player of the Year. And John Drew finished second to Kevin McHale for Sixth Man of the Year. (This was sadly Drew's last good season in the NBA before being waived by the Jazz and subsequently banned from the league for cocaine addiction.)

Frank Layden was named Coach of the Year as he guided the Jazz to a 45-37 record and their first playoff appearance in franchise history. After sneaking past Denver in a memorable five-game series, Utah fell to Phoenix in six games in the second round. So spirits were certainly high entering the 1984 draft.

The draft:

With the 16th pick, Utah selected a little-known point guard from Gonzaga named John Stockton.

The Jazz didn't have a second-round pick, since they traded it away to Dallas in 1980 for Billy McKinney.

The remaining eight(!) rounds were rather inconsequential. So I'll just run through them in a bullet list:

62. David Pope, Norfolk State
86. Jim Rowinski, Purdue
108. Marcus Gaither, Fairleigh Dickinson University
132. Chris Harrison, West Virginia Wesleyan College
154. Bob Evans, Southern Utah University
178. Eric Booker, UNLV
199. Kelly Knight, Kansas
222. Mike Curran, Niagara University

Analysis:

Karl Malone may have been Utah's greatest draft pick, but John Stockton was the team's savviest. Frank Layden knew right away he had found a diamond in the rough. In interviews with local media heading up to the draft, Layden provided a list of 13 players on Utah's radar. Stockton's name was not on that list, and Layden coyly hinted that there might be a surprise on draft night. Well, there was. And the fans booed the pick. Like my dad always likes to tell me, people had to look up Gonzaga in an encyclopedia to see where it was.

I don't need to list off Stockton accomplishments here. He provided Utah with 19 years of no-nonsense excellence, rarely missing a game, winning more often than losing and quietly setting a good example for the children of Utah. Yeah, I did lose a lot of respect for him when he became a vocal anti-vaxxer in his retirement. But that doesn't diminish the impact he had during his playing career. And I would be a fool to tell the Jazz to draft anyone else.

None of the eight other draftees ever played for the Jazz. And only two of them, Pope and Rowinski, even saw action on an NBA court. This is normally where I provide replacements for each pick, but there's really no point for this draft. There are only two players in the later rounds that I'm remotely interested in. The first is Jerome Kersey, who had a 17-year career, shining brightest for the Portland Trail Blazers. But he went in the second round, and it would have been impossible for Utah to draft him. The second is Oscar Schmidt, who was named to the Basketball Hall of Fame because of his accomplishments in Brazil and Italy. He was drafted by New Jersey in the sixth round, but they offered him a smaller contract than his Italian team, so he never came to the NBA. I guess I could advise to take a chance on Schmidt — even if it means overpaying him upfront.

But other than that, I have nothing to contribute to the Utah Jazz front office this year. So I'll just let the witch's curse do its thing and take me back to 1983!

Wednesday, April 9, 2025

Before Watchmen: Time for a big, epic figh—SQUIRREL!


The main Watchmen series begins with Ozymandias killing the Comedian. And through the story, we learn that Adrian Veidt was partially motivated by a previous fight he had and lost against Eddie Blake. So it's incredibly exciting to see a demonic Comedian pointing his gun down (presumably at Ozymandias) against a dark red sky. This is a very good, captivating cover by Jae Lee.


The variant cover by Massimo Carnevale isn't quite as engaging, though. It's just a bit too murky and vague for me to enjoy. It also seems to imply that Adrian possesses some strange energy-based powers, which never had been manifest in any Watchmen story I've encountered.

This issue picks right up where Ozymandias #2 ended, with the Comedian attacking Ozymandias as he investigated the disappearance of Hooded Justice. During the fight, Adrian silently concedes that they are evenly matched. In the narration, which is still Adrian's autobiography written years later, he complains that Eddie won the fight by cheating. All Eddie did was randomly shout, "No! Don't—!" And this made Adrian hesitate long enough for Eddie to knock him down. By that point in the fight, Adrian had disabled both of Eddie's guns, so he decided to just walk away, telling Ozymandias that this is a game for grown-ups. In his autobiography, Adrian maintains that he allowed Eddie to win so that he could collect data on his strength and fighting style. But I find that a strange thing to say after accusing the other side of cheating.

Anyway, as strange as it as was for Eddie to walk away from the fight without actually conducting his investigation, it was even stranger for Adrian to do the same. You'd think that with Eddie gone, he would have been free to gather some evidence about Hooded Justice. But instead, he just went home, admitting he lost interest in it. Several months later, the emergence of Dr. Manhattan provides Adrian with a new obsession. He immediately began investing in fallout shelters and gathering resources to build his secret base in Antarctica.

Five months later, he's invited a charity gala with other superheroes. Adrian initially declined, until he learned that Dr. Manhattan would attend. He was even willing to perform on stage next to the Comedian just for the chance to meet America's new "superman." But first, Adrian's approached by Captain Metropolis, who stuns him by asking how to pronounce Ozymandias. Realizing that he's surrounded by primitives, Adrian quickly shook hands with Dr. Manhattan before slinking away to eavesdrop on his conversation with Nite Owl. After a few minutes, Janey Slater asks Jon if they can go home. Dr. Manhattan says goodbye to Nite Owl, then, quite shockingly, says goodbye to Ozymandias, as well, revealing that he knew Adrian was hiding the whole time.

We then skip ahead a few more months to the completion of Adrian's Antarctic hideaway. The three architects who designed the fortress had all died in a tragic plane crash, which we all know was caused by Adrian. Just like the pharaohs of old, Ozymandias didn't want anyone who knew his secrets to live to tell them. The issue then ends with Adrian turning on his wall of televisions, which is oddly voice-controlled (something that was most definitely not the case in the original Watchmen story).




A running gag in the classic Pixar film Up is how the dogs would frequently become distracted by the mere thought of a squirrel. That's what Len Wein feels like to me. He spent all this time setting up an investigation into Hooded Justice but then immediately abandoned it to rush into the famously alluded Comedian fight. But that fight was started for no reason and ended without any real consequence before Wein quickly zipped over to the Dr. Manhattan storyline. Granted, I did like how Adrian's first thoughts when seeing Dr. Manhattan was to prepare for nuclear armageddon. I just didn't like how that short-changed the stuff with Hooded Justice and the Comedian. I mean, Adrian didn't need to investigate Hooded Justice. If Wein was unable or unwilling to provide any answers on that front, then he should have just avoided the topic altogether. But the Comedian fight was something that he did need to do. And it was a real opportunity to be creative and provide some fascinating depth to this character. But Wein missed the moment. Such a shame.

Tuesday, April 1, 2025

Redrafting the Jazz: 1985



I have been cursed by a witch to repeatedly travel back through time to relive every NBA draft. Fortunately, her spell sends me directly to the Utah Jazz war room on draft night and all the executives magically know I’m from the future and will do whatever I say. Unfortunately, the curse prevents me from seeing how my advice altered the future, as I am sent back to the previous year as soon as draft night ends.

June 18, 1985 – Madison Square Garden, New York City

Previous season:

Led by All-Star Adrian Dantley and Defensive Player of the Year Mark Eaton, the Jazz reached the second round of the playoffs before being crushed by Denver in five games. But Dantley only played in 55 games, giving the Jazz a mediocre 41-41 record, which ended up helping out tremendously in the draft.

The draft:

Even though the Jazz already had Dantley and Thurl Bailey, they couldn't resist picking up the Mailman when Karl Malone inexplicably slipped to No. 13.

In the second round, the Jazz drafted a small forward from Long Island University named Carey Scurry with the 37th pick.

Because of the NBA's strange free agent rules of the day, the Jazz were forced to give their third-round pick to the Atlanta Hawks as compensation for signing Billy Paultz.

In the fourth round, Utah used the 83rd pick on Wake Forest point guard Delaney Rudd.

In the fifth round, the Jazz drafted a guard from Canisius named Ray Hall at No. 105.

Utah's sixth-round pick (No. 129) went on Jim Miller, a forward from Virginia.

And finally, in the seventh round, with the 151st overall pick, the Jazz drafted Texas forward Mike Wacker.

Analysis:

Apologies to all John Stockton fans out there, but Karl Malone is hands-down the greatest draft pick in Utah Jazz history. Eighteen years of unparalleled consistency and excellence. Two MVPs, Olympic gold medals, trips to the Finals, All-Star MVPs ... you name it, he did it. Everything except win a championship. Regardless, he was a remarkable player, even heading into the draft. Remember, he picked up the Mailman nickname in college! So it came as a complete shock to everyone to see him slide so far in the draft. Head coach and general manager Frank Layden worried that all the other teams knew something he didn't know. Malone himself was so convinced that Dallas would draft him that he even picked out an apartment in the city.

Nobody really knows why the other 12 teams passed on Malone. Layden had heard there was some concerns about Malone's temperament. The Mavericks' GM said he didn't believe Malone was a pure power forward and a weak rebounder. Which was a very odd thing to say since he also passed on rebounding guru Charles Oakley to take small forward Detlef Schrempf. (By the way, Malone ended his career with 10.1 rebounds per game, more than Oakley and even this year's No. 1 overall pick, Patrick Ewing.) But what I have been unable to find is anyone on the record saying they didn't draft Malone because he had impregnated a 13-year-old girl.

Back when I posted about DeShawn Stevenson, I got into a lengthy argument with someone who claimed that the Jazz did know (or should have known) about Malone's transgressions before the draft and that the organization was uniquely despicable for turning a blind eye toward this. I don't know who knew what and when — I myself didn't learn of this until after Malone's retirement — but I am confident in saying the Jazz would not have been unique in overlooking this matter. Especially since Malone was never formally charged with a crime. This does not, in any way, excuse his behavior. I'm just pointing out that if the Jazz had chosen the moral high ground of refusing to draft (or quickly getting rid of) Malone, then somebody else would have immediately snatched him without a moment's pause.

So what is the morally right thing to do here? Malone was a generational talent and Layden made the strategically correct move by trading away an All-Star to make room for him. But compromising your basketball roster is one thing. But compromising your principles is another. Maybe Layden and Larry H. Miller and the rest of Utah's front office didn't know about Malone's history on draft night. But I do. And I can't deny that seeing Malone's statue in front of the Delta Center makes me a bit uncomfortable these days. Mainly because Malone has refused to apologize or even speak to those who have criticized him for this.

Is it possible, or even fair to argue that Malone's positive impact on the NBA and the state of Utah outweigh the horrific things he did before being drafted? It's hard to justify the drafting of Karl Malone without sounding like a selfish fan who just wants to win more basketball games. But he meant more to Utah than just basketball. It's hard to imagine Larry Miller being able to keep the team in Salt Lake, let alone construct the beautiful Delta Center without Malone. Think of all the jobs this man created simply by being one of the best basketball players in the world. Is that a valid argument? I don't know. Am I overthinking this? Probably. (After all, this whole blog is just for fun!)

Let's move on and look at the five other players the Jazz drafted. Carey Scurry was an unremarkable, but reliable backup for two-and-a-half seasons for Utah. But then he started getting into fights with his teammates (most notably Mel Turpin) and coach Frank Layden. So the Jazz waived him and he signed a 10-day contract with the Knicks before falling out of the NBA altogether. So in replacement, I suggest John "Hot Rod" Williams. He only fell to the second round because of a point-shaving scandal in college, which also caused him to miss the 1985-86 season. But he made the 1986-87 All-Rookie First Team and enjoyed a 13-year career as a defensive-minded power forward/center. I think he would have been a huge upgrade over Scurry and may have even enabled the Jazz to trade away Thurl Bailey earlier.

Even though the Jazz drafted Delaney Rudd in 1985, he spent the next several years in the CBA and Greece before Utah finally signed him in 1989. After spending three seasons in the unglamorous role of Stockton's backup, Rudd excitedly signed with Portland in 1993. But he only played 15 games for the Blazers before dropping out of the NBA for good. Luckily, I have the perfect upgrade available: Anthony "Spud" Webb. He was mostly known for his dunking skills, but he was also a fairly decent point guard who lasted 12 years in the league. Granted, it may have been hard for him to fully develop his game behind Stockton, but at the very least it would have been fun watching him wear a Jazz uniform in the dunk contests.

The last three players the Jazz drafted never played in the NBA. I only have one good player left (Mario Elie) and he wasn't taken until the seventh round. So I'm going to spend my fifth-round pick on BYU's Timo Saarelainen. He was a small forward from Finland who also never played in the NBA, but I think it would have been fun to have him try out for the Jazz.

In the sixth round, I'll take Michael Phelps. No, not that Michael Phelps, the Michael Phelps who was a shooting guard from Alcorn State. He spent three mediocre seasons in the NBA, which is three more seasons than the rest of the sixth-round picks combined.

And finally, in the seventh round, I'm going to draft Mario Elie. He didn't make an NBA roster until 1990, but his defense and 3-point shooting made him an invaluable piece on two Houston championship teams and one San Antonio title run. I think he could have been a real difference maker for Utah.

My advice:

1. Use the 13th pick on Karl Malone.
2. Use the 37th pick on Hot Rod Williams.
3. Use the 83rd pick on Spud Webb.
4. Use the 105th pick on Timo Saarelainen.
5. Use the 129th pick on Michael Phelps.
6. Use the 151st pick on Mario Elie.

I'll admit that part of the reason I took two months to write this post was because I still don't know how to reconcile Karl Malone's legacy. I want to say that had I been in that situation and fully aware of all the facts, I would have made sure that I wasn't involved in rewarding and exalting a man who somehow avoided all accountability for a heinous act. But I also don't want to deny my community of something truly special that has left such a lasting impression a full 40 years later. I just don't know what the right thing would have been. Perhaps there is no right or wrong in this situation.

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Before Watchmen: Over-inflating insignificant details


Sex played an interesting role in Alan Moore's Watchmen. It seemed to me that one of his arguments was that the role of a superhero would be most appealing for sexual deviants — homosexuals or people with some sort of fetish. Nite Owl fell into the latter category, being able to only be truly aroused when he was wearing his mask. Since that was a pretty big part of his character, it only makes sense that J. Michael Straczynski and Andy Kubert would explore this more. Unfortunately, I feel like putting contextless soft porn on a cover attracts the wrong kind of audience. I'm reminded of director Zack Snyder, who openly and frequently gushed about how much he loved Watchmen because it had sex in it. But when he actually made a movie about it, he demonstrated a significant lack of understanding the source material.


Unfortunately, I'm not much of a fan of Chris Samnee's variant cover, either. He is one of my favorite artists out there, but this was not his best work. Besides not doing a good job of conveying what this story is about, the characters just look off. I think Samnee's style lends itself more toward Darwyn Cooke's bright and bold Minutemen series. This Nite Owl series all about trauma and sex is not the ideal avenue for Samnee.

This issue opens with Nite Owl deepening his relationship with the Twilight Lady, while Rorschach (as church custodian Walter Kovacs) grows closer to Reverend Dean. The Twilight Lady leads Nite Owl to a man named Carlos, who recruits immigrant women into a life of prostitution. More troubling is how many of these women suddenly go missing, presumed dead. Nite Owl takes down Carlos' men and interrogates him by hanging him upside down above a toilet. The only information he's able to get from Carlos are a few phone numbers, but before he can investigate them, he needs to have sex with the Twilight Lady. Not only do we get an inordinate amount of time discussing Dan's past trauma of his abusive father, but we also find out that this was Dan's first time having sex! 

When Dan finally gets back to the investigation, he finds one of Carlos' phone numbers connects to a pay phone. So he takes the receiver back to Hollis Mason's garage to try to extract some fingerprints from it. Despite the early time of day, Hollis is already heavily drinking. He sadly calls himself a hypocrite and apologizes for lecturing Dan about the Nite Owl's reputation. Hollis doesn't go into any details, but he leaves Dan with a copy of his manuscript and says he can read it if he wants. Dan is nervous to explore his hero's dark secrets, but his curiosity gets the better of him and he sadly begins to learn the truths of Under the Hood.

The story ends with Rorschach making a shocking discovery: Reverend Dean's basement is full of dozens of dead bodies. At least one woman is still alive when Rorschach stumbled upon this grisly scene. But before he can rescue her, he's shot in the shoulder by the Reverend.




In the original Watchmen, the Twilight Lady was nothing more than a sexual fantasy for Dan. Presumably someone only pretending to be a super villain so she could sleep with the famous Nite Owl. Nothing more. Straczynski decided to flesh out this little throwaway detail to comical extremes. Not only is the Twilight Lady now a noble hero playfully defying the conventions of her appearance and profession, but she was Dan's first true love! I guess we can also assume that she was the one who resolved Dan's childhood trauma, which is why he never mentioned it in Moore's story!

It annoys me so much to see sequels and prequels turn minor details into major events. It reeks of a lack of originality. Of course, there is some original work in this issue. And it's actually rather interesting. The only problem is it's all about Rorschach. Yes, I'm sure next issue will reveal that Reverend Dean has been killing Carlos' girls, which is a nice way to connect the two stories. But this just adds more fuel to my theory that Straczynski really, really wanted to write a Rorschach story instead.