Up next on my Batman quest is the first live-action Batman movie I ever saw. Batman Forever came out in 1995, was directed by Joel Schumacher and stars Val Kilmer, Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey.
This will be a more complicated review because I kept trying my hardest to add points for things, but was forced to take them away faster than I could add them. I think that's because this movie has a nostalgic place in my heart, but I remember that even as an 8-year-old, I was upset with many things in this movie not being "right" because they were different from the animated series. I do think I've grown up a little bit and realize that not everything has to be the same from the cartoons, but they really are just better in a lot of ways. OK, on to the review.
I have to take away a point for the nonsensical opening scene. A lot of this is because of Dr. Chase Meridian, played by Nicole Kidman, who I think is the worst Batman girlfriend of all the movies. Here, Two-Face is causing trouble and she is wasting Batman's time by flirting with him and explaining psychologic terms to him that he already understands. The scene gets worse when Batman gets trapped in the safe with the security guard and borrows the guard's hearing aid to crack the combination on the door. Why would Batman need to borrow a hearing aid? He should already have equipment like that on him. Anyway, Batman gets out, and cuts the chain holding the safe to Two-Face's helicopter, causing the safe to all-too-conveniently slide back exactly to where it was before. Not a good way to start a movie.
The score drops to a 3 when I realize that Tommy Lee Jones is, in fact, not playing Two-Face, but rather the Joker pretending to be Two-Face. He is literally laughing in every single scene and only acts like Two-Face in that he will occasionally flip a coin and annoyingly refers to himself as "we" throughout the film. It's especially annoying when he continues to flip his going over and over again until he gets his desired result. Sigh ... another Batman villain ruined. If only there was a movie that could do Two-Face right ... Also, wasn't Harvey Dent supposed to be Billy Dee Williams in this continuity? I guess since we have a new Batman it's OK to have a new Harvey. It still would have been really cool and unique to have a black Two-Face with his bad side bleached a scary white. Oh well.
I do get to add a point for the businessman Bruce Wayne. We get to see Wayne Enterprises and a direct path to the Batcave from Bruce's office (although the actual method was a little cheesy, I do like the concept). Later, we see Bruce surrounded by paparazzi when he goes on a date, just like he should be.
Now back to taking away points. Dr. Chase Meridian snuck up onto the roof of the police department to turn on the Batsignal just to flirt with Batman. Can someone please get rid of this skanky girl?
We fall to a 2 with another stupid Dr. Meridian scene. Bruce Wayne has scheduled an appointment with her, but when he gets to her door, it sounds like she's in trouble. For some reason, the door is locked, so he heroically knocks the door down, only to see that she was boxing a punching bag. Why was she doing that right before an appointment with Bruce Wayne? Even if he is early, she should have been sitting ready, waiting for this appointment with the richest and most powerful man in Gotham. Also in the same scene, Bruce points to a framed ink blot on her wall that obviously looks like a bat. He asks her if she has a thing for bats, but she says people see what they want to see from that picture, as if only the obsessed Batman would think that picture was a bat. Don't give me that crap! It's obviously a bat!
I will add a point for the re-imaging of Robin. I really hate his earring, but it made perfect sense to make him older, and I think they pulled it off quite well for the most part. Chris O'Donnell was quite serviceable in his role. I also liked that they gave him a brother, just because I get tired of every single comic book character being an only child. Seriously, think of any comic book character and nine times out of 10 they will be an only child.
We fall back down to a 2 when Two-Face walks into the circus and demands to know who Batman is, but never really gives anyone the chance to tell him Batman's secret identity, if they would happen to know it. For some reason, Bruce decided to stand up in his seat and yell, "Harvey, I'm Batman!" Luckily, all the people sitting right next to him didn't hear him, since that would have been awkward. After Bruce's pathetic yelling doesn't work, he jumps down to the floor and instead of walking up to Two-Face to reveal his secret identity, he begins to fight Two-Faces goons. Again, he's lucky that no one calls into question Bruce Wayne's ability to easily fight and defeat these criminals.
They don't really do a good job of explaining why and how Bruce Wayne is bringing Dick Grayson to live at his mansion for a while, but I thought it was fine because Dick wanted to get out of there really quick and Bruce and Alfred had to twist his arm to get him to stay. But then comes one of the stupidest scenes in all the Batman films, I scene I like to call "Intense Laundry with Dick Grayson." I understand that they wanted to show his independence and his athletic abilities, but showing it with this? Completely retarded. The score is now a 1.
Luckily, Alfred comes to save the day! Dick asks him what's behind a locked door, to which Alfred replies with a straight face, "Master Bruce's dead wives." This is the funny Alfred we've been missing! Michael Gough played Alfred in four Batman movies, and was pretty decent in all of them, but I think this was his best performance. He's funny and supportive of both Dick and Bruce, while also being stern when he needs to, yet in a gentle way. Actually, Alfred was my favorite character in the whole movie.
Sadly, the score falls back down to a 1, partly because of Alfred. He sees Dick sneak into the Batcave, but for some reason is unable to prevent him from stealing the Batmobile. Dick goes joyriding and runs into who I call the Glow-in-the-Dark Gang. This Gotham City isn't nearly as interesting as Tim Burton's dark Gotham. Here, it's very colorful, with random bright neon lights everywhere. Every single wall is either a translucent green or magenta. And tough gangs like to cover themselves with fluorescent paint. I guess they think it's scarier if their victims see them coming from a mile away. Anyway, Dick saves some girl from some supposed danger, who says, "Wait! Doesn't Batman kiss the girl?" So he kisses her while I try not to vomit.
There is one thing that Two-Face does right in this movie that was lacking in the other two. He puts Batman in actual danger. He creates an elaborate trap that sends a wall of fire at Batman, which was actually kind of cool looking. Batman survives, of course, and then gets buried in a pile of gravel. The only other time I remember Batman really being in danger before this was him hanging on to the edge of the cathedral with the Joker trying to stomp on his fingers, so it was nice to see an actual threat for once.
Well, Batman got himself a new girlfriend, so he obviously must tell her that he's Batman. This time it was done in a very stupid way, with even stupider dialogue. Bruce tells the story of him running away from his parents' wake with his father's journal. He then fell forever into a cave that "must have been there for a million years." He sees a bat flying at him and says, "I was scared at first, but only at first." He then says how he vowed to avenge his parents' deaths and fight all crime. The idiotic Dr. Meridian is confused by this, and asks, "Bruce, what are you trying to tell me?" But before he can answer, she passionately kisses him. Argh! We're back to a 1.
I will add a point for the riddles. The answer wasn't really that earth-shattering — the Riddler is Edward Nigma (Batman should have figured that out on his own) — but I did like how they reasoned through and solved the riddles. They were just a tad more realistic than ball-point bananas and rushing people, although those were very good.
The score goes up to a 3 because I couldn't help myself from laughing when Robin said, "Holy rusted metal, Batman!" It is a stupid line, but it is funny and a nice homage to Burt Ward and Adam West.
I tried my best to not let Jim Carrey's portrayal of the Riddler bother me, and for the most part, he didn't. But at the end, I just got tired of him. It was the combination of the stupid Battleship scene and the ridiculous white spandex suit he wears at the end. This movie really just had five minutes too much of the Riddler. We're down to a 2.
We do back up to a 3 because Batman actually becomes kind of competent at the end, something that was seriously lacking from the other two movies, where he usually seemed to win by pure luck. Here, he has to save his stupid girlfriend and Robin at the same time. He cleverly distracts the Riddler by asking a riddle of his own, and then he very easily saves both the victims as he should.
Sadly, the death of Two-Face takes away a point. Two-Face never should have to be reminded to flip his coin. Also, Batman didn't even try to save Two-Face, when he probably could have. This is especially frustrating after he spent so much of the movie yelling at Robin for wanting to kill Two-Face. Luckily, this movie does end and don't have to see Val Kilmer or Nicole Kidman ever again! Unluckily, the next movie is actually worse.
Truthfully, I was a little surprised at how low a score I gave this one. But then I realized that I didn't like Val Kilmer as Batman, absolutely hated his girlfriend, was appalled at the treatment of Two-Face, annoyed with the Riddler, and really didn't like Robin too much. With all those problems, how could this score any higher? Well, wish me luck on the next Batman film, I'm not quite sure if I will survive.
Final score: 2 out of 10
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